It's a Monday

This evening reminded me that today, indeed, is Monday.

Like normal for this time of evening, Elena is in the front pack. She drank the bottle, but now is crying for literally no reason. My back is sore. I rock her back and forth continuing where I left off in Persuasion. It takes time, but she soon sleeps. So I stand and read, making sure that I keep my posture correct.

And so I thought the last half hour of Monday's work day would pass peacefully. Then I hear. "I have to go potty!!" closely followed by "I'm peeeeeing."

Running down the hall, baby still sleeping in the front pack. "Let's go, let's go." I'm trying to guide her to the bathroom, literally three feet away from where she's standing. THREE FEET. She's refusing to move and pulling away from my grasp, I pulled her hair gently and grabbed her shoulder, I can't bend down without waking the baby, I want her at least on the hardwood floor and not the carpet, resigned to the fact that I'll be cleaning the floor. Elena's now awake and crying, Elsa's standing next to the toilet, still peeing, down her legs and onto a puddle on the floor.

I run for paper towels. We're out in the kitchen. And in the pantry. The only paper towels in the house are upstairs in my bathroom. I grab a new outfit, forgetting a towel and run back down. I start cleaning up the floor making my way to where she's standing. It's hard to clean with a baby screaming at you, so I put her in her bouncer and rush back. I was snippy and sharp at first and then I couldn't help but think it was amusing, almost hilarious.

Bath started, stubborn toddler refusing to sit down in the most definitely not-too-hot water, cleaning the floor. Toddler finally in the bath, baby crying again, so she's back in the front pack. And at this moment, Lisa shows up...

Ordinary

Yesterday, I made myself a cup of coffee. I turned on my Thumbprint station on Pandora and got to cleaning. It felt good to clean. Sometimes I feel overly lazy. It was one of those days however, that I stayed in my pajamas until the evening... Can't have it all. :-P

I went out last night to play volleyball. Driving through the snow/rain that had been falling for a few hours and was starting to accumulate. Turns out they only do volleyball on Tuesdays and hadn't updated their Facebook. Fine by me. I needed to stop off and get watercolor paper anyway. Still a bit of socializing and being in the busyness of Walmart made my cabin fever cease up a bit.

Today was a half day, strange, but nice after the week. I'm working a minimum of 11 hour days in combination with staying up way to late because of the time change and that's the only way to really get to chat with people. So no wonder I'm a bit tired.

Anyway, glad it's the weekend. It should be fun. It's been fun already, drawing with Elsa, painting the afternoon away while watching a movie. Looking at retro style clothes and wishing I could buy them. Writing and reading... Fabric shopping and then dinner with Lisa and the girls. Leadership, training and personality type conversation with Lisa, which was fascinating. Strangely, it made me want to take leadership classes...

Respect for Motherhood

I honestly don't know how moms do it and this week has made me respect motherhood so much more. I was sitting on the stairs, the baby crying... Okay, screaming.... in her crib upstairs too stubborn to sleep, even though she was exhausted. I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed.

A pile of laundry on the stairs waiting for me to take it up. Toys scatter across the hall and throughout the living room. The dishes barely done before lunch dishes begin to pile up. A partially eaten banana, an open applesauce, the remains of her morning bottle sit on the table above the thrown fruit pieces and puffs on the floor... Oh, and there's food on my shirt that Elena spit back out....

How do they do it all? How do mothers do it? I don't have to put on laundry, give baths or put them to sleep at night or a multitude of other things (birth included). My job is infinitely easier than being a mom. So to all mother's out there: props to you and keep up the hard work, I believe you are doing the hardest job in the world. You're an inspiration.

Quite the Tuesday

It's been quite the week for it only being Tuesday. I am truly exhausted. I'm trying to have a good attitude and will probably cut my personal time down to get more sleep tonight.

Elena is having issues. She flat out refuses to drink the milk from the fridge and is now getting to the point where she just straight up refuses to drink from a bottle. It's purely a stubbornness issue. She's stubborn about eating other baby food and is now throwing other food on the ground. So she is grouchy because she's hungry, wobbly and falling over because she's hungry, not sleeping much because she's hungry. She's also having some bottomly troubles (if you get my drift), which also makes her grumpy. Anyway, it all makes me worried because the milk and the baby food are her only source of calories between 6-6...

Elsa, on the other hand, talks non-stop. No, literally non-stop. She enjoyed singing at the top of her lungs, 'reading' stories out loud and having tea parties. She also has a knack for needing my help during a strategic moment with Elena...

I'm still finding good things every day and I know I'm in a serious transition phase, but prayer would most definitely be appreciated as I figure out this new routine with these girls. Especially that Elena would start drinking from the bottle again...

An Interesting Day

Today was the first full day nannying this year. I've had a few part days and helped out a lot for the remainder of the time, but this was the first time la mother was gone and I had the munchkins.

One word to sum up my day? Poop. Do I need to explain? Nope. I really don't. I "handled" it. Get it? Was that enough of a hint. Anyway, a lot of diaper changing, a baby and toddler both mad at me at the same time. A few attitude issues. Stubbornness over a bottle and nap time. And baby carrier back aches.

Sounds like a rough day, right? Well, amid those little annoyances, there were baby snuggles, giggles and laughter, a tidy house that lasted all of four minutes, toy playing and lots of talks. And I was able to laugh off a lot of the issues as being entertaining or found success in them when I made corrections and said child listened and responded. Plus best friend conversations.

And some hashtags to go along with my life:
#NotMyKidNotMyParentingMistake #keeptinyhumansalive #Practiceparenting  #anotherpoopydiaper #didIgetdressedtoday? #Itstooquiet #mykidswillbeperfectthankstothispractice

My 'Work' Day

I've been back in Tennessee for two weeks. My 'work' days consist of changing diapers, doing dishes (sometimes), sitting on the ground playing with Duplo, drinking imaginary tea, catching the baby before she eats somethings disgusting from the ground, reading stories, baby and toddler snuggles and making kid food. There are sticky fingers, un-swept floors and always a scattering or more of toys everywhere.

The most used word around here? No. No, Elena, don't go in the bathroom. No. No, no pantry, no touching that outlet, the laptop, the cords. No, please don't eat that old piece of strawberry of the floor that Elsa dropped and never picked up. No, don't growl like that...No, don't climb on the stairs. The list goes on. With mischievous looks and eagerly crawling back to whatever forbidden thing or area, I'm kept pretty busy.

Growing Baby

My thoughts on coming home for December: oh, 6 weeks, not that long. I mean, Elena might have teeth, but not much else will have changed. During my first day back: what was I thinking? Over a month? So much has changed. Wait, where'd she go?

Elena's gotten crazy fast at crawling. She was only pushing herself backwards when I left. Now she pulls herself to stand next to furniture, toys and other stuff. She's so fast. Also, still in the stage where she puts EVERYTHING into her mouth, so the next few months will be a lot of chasing her around, sweeping floors and training her to sleep in her crib....

Lisa was saying there should be a workout on our fitness apps called "chasing a child." She's not wrong. Calories will be burned. :-D

WA -> OK -> TN

In November, I offered to fly into Oklahoma to travel with Lisa and the girls up to Tennessee. I wasn't sure if she'd take me up on my offer, but the next week, I had a ticket flying me to Lawton, OK....

Yesterday, I left for the airport at 9am with Dad. Security was a breeze. I didn't have to take off my shoes or remove my laptop from my backpack. Medal detectors instead of the full body scanners. It was fast, although I felt remarkably like one of the mice mindlessly running the course to get to the end...

Anyway, the first flight was fine. I watched a movie and actually chatted with the guy next to me. We were both interested in leadership, so it was an easy conversation. Ahem, introvert... and breaking boxes! :-D :-P

The second flight from Dallas/Fort Worth was delayed, changed gates three times and had me exhausted. They had overbooked, so they wouldn't assign seats until AFTER people had volunteered to fly out the following morning... Finally got to Oklahoma, the tiniest airport I'd ever seen. Family was waiting, so hung out and then slept. 

6am. Wake up and pack the 4Runner. 7:30, Lisa started driving. 9:00 I took over driving. Drive. Drive. Drive. Hours later, at noon-ish, we stopped to gas up and grab food. My day? Something like this: 

Driving. Baby screaming. Baby sleeping. Continuing to drive. Getting sleepy. Baby screaming... Repeat. For 11 hours. 

Pulling up to the Tennessee house at 7pm, I felt relief. We were home. We were home safely. Home. I'm so content to be here. 

What states did we travel through? Up through Oklahoma, through Missouri, took literally a ridiculous 5-7 minute drive through Illinois to get to Kentucky. Then over and town to Tennessee... 

From the picture below, we started out on this weird, 2 lane highway. It was getting dark and there was a lot of fog. It seemed not super well traveled, although I had two semis in front of me. Then all of a sudden we turned this sharp corner and went over this massive, pretty narrow bridge. In the fog, it felt a little queasy in my opinion... The Mississippi River and that took us up onto that little bit of land between that river and the Ohio River. Second bridge and we were into Kentucky. What a crazy bit to the drive. 

Washington in December

45 days. Almost 6 and a half weeks. That's how long I was home. My calendar went from very little scheduled to meeting up over 33 times with friends and out of town family... How crazy is that. Along with that came CAP work, grocery shopping, holiday baking, appointments, even getting sick.

Highlights? (in chronological order)

Taking some desperately needed self-care/me time. Fort Casey with paints. It was lovely.

Photo shoot with this girl. Working through things together and growing. Constantly growing. Eating good foods and drinking good coffee. :-D

Derping around with old CAP cadets and siblings...  

Exploring Fort Flagler. Drift wood talks, ferry rides, dark corridors... 

Seeing my Little Fuji Family again. 

Going to the Seattle Aquarium with the Jamieson Family. Driving around Seattle, being with Mr. and Mrs. J as they saw Pike Place for the first time... 

Going to Leavenworth with Nick and Jane. It felt like a true escape. 

Anyway, this break may have had it's rough moments, but overall, I'm thankful for the time I got to spend here in Washington. 

New Year's Day

Well, New Year's Day could have been better, yet it also could have been worse. In our family, New Year's Day is celebrated with gifts and family time, food and more food. Much like other people's Christmas traditions.

I was up first. I usually am. Not just because of the gifts waiting in the living room. The gifts this year were simplified, but still, I was excited. I poured a lot of time and energy into researching awesome gifts for the family. Nope, I have a hard time sleeping past 8:30... Anyway, I enjoy the sweet morning time before everyone gets up. But yesterday was different. A note sat waiting on the kitchen counter. No greeting or closing. Cold. A note saying she would be gone for a few days. Tears from me. Angry, hurting tears. 

She wasn't going to try being with the family. It was frustrating and selfish. Logistically, the pressure of making dinner now fell completely on me to oversee and cook instead of just cooking and sharing the responsibility for the meal. The responsibility to give the gifts to people and to explain gifts also fell to me.

After a good cry and talking to Rose, we turned the day around. We gave gifts, we cooked and played. We still are a family, no matter what. We made an AMAZING meal. We had fun and didn't let what's going of affect our day.

Rose and I drove the Little Fuji Family to the airport that night, but it wasn't a sad goodbye, I see them again in six days. 

Happy Sunday

Singing "Count Your Blessings" at Church this morning made my day. White chocolate mocha. Another photo shoot with Elena (Lisa and I got seriously sidetracked at TJMaxx on Friday, so new clothes for the girls). House cleaning and watched Tangled (the show). Catching up with two different sisters. Gingerbread decorating.

Fall Saturday

Morning conversations over breakfast. Grocery list making on the floor with the girls. Shopping trip the weekend before Thanksgiving. Skype calls to family. Photo shoot in new outfits. Baby sleeping in the carrier. Long conversations while baking. Gingerbread smells. Apricot jam and brie cheese. Wind and rain and a 2 second power loss. Chicken Pot Pie. An old movie. Peach tea. More floor time playing with the girls. Early bedtimes. It is these days. These happy days- show me how much of my heart is here. 

Grace vs. the Girls

I think today may have been the hardest day since I've been here. I tend to be a busy person, so when the highlight/outting for the day is going for a super slow walk around the block, I get a little antsy.

Elsa and I had a rough day. She didn't do a great job of listening and would run away from me while talking. She also fell from the bar stool while Elena was in the front pack napping and hit her head and her chin (double whammy, back of the head and chin...). She was crying and panicking over that and had to use the bathroom at the same time. I was trying to keep Elena and Elsa to both calm down. It was a bit of an adventure... Elena's nap was cut short and Elsa was crying... I don't know how moms do it.

Needless to say, nap time was early and lasted a long time. It was a good break where I was able to kinda recharge and try and refocus my attention and goals as far as working with the girls. I think I might need to leave all electronics upstairs and read (both my books and Elsa's books) and play more actively with Elsa. It'll be good to spend less time on social media and reading has far more benefits! The after nap time was WWWAAAAYYY better.

This evening was quiet, Lisa and I talked a lot, I got some work done, including getting a passport interview set up... It was relaxing. To finish up the day, I painted and listened to music.

Grumpy, Cranky and Naughty

 I woke up tired, body hurting and no energy. Elena woke up just before eight and so I brought her to my bed and she just lay there smiling at me. How could I be grumpy? She cooed, giggled and wiggled on the bed until it was time to get up.

We made the 20-ish minute drive into town to pick up some things, but mostly chocolate and Ibuprofen. Elena slept the entire way there and Elsa kept up a good string of conversation, mostly talking about "your friend, the other Gracie". Elsa loves wandering around stores and what store is better then Target to do that in?

Elsa decided to be a *bit* of a stinker once we got back. She wasn't excited about picking up her toys and ended up fake crying, pouting and running away when I called her. It happened multiple times over multiple things all morning. I think I handled it well, I was firm, got down to her level and made her look me in the eye as I corrected her. Every time she eventually apologized and gave me a hug. I've been expecting this, I've been here for a month, so a little push back was bound to happen soon.

I got to catch up with my oldest sister today, which was awesome. She's so busy that I rarely get to see her on Skype, so it was nice to have a one on one conversation with her. And to see her face, once we got the Facebook video call to work!

I guess I was truly exhausted because I spent the nap reading and watching dumb home decorating videos on Youtube. Elena decided not to take a full length nap and was consequently quite cranky until she fell asleep again about an hour later on the floor in the bonus room upstairs. I ended up napping at the same time on the couch... So that was my day. It was still a good day, even with the little hiccups of attitudes from all three of us.

Monday Morning

Pajamas and late morning wake ups. The smell of sausage cooking as I walked downstairs and the smiles and cheerful greetings of the nieces. The sister to sister (in-law) conversations and drool covered baby kisses. Apple fritters with crispy edges and delicious cinnamon-y flavor with ice cold milk. The little family lingering over coffee and fritters, enjoying the last few moments of being together before the work week begins and he leaves to return to a different state. It's mornings like these that make me appreciate family and it's moments like these I wish I could capture as pictures.

Wednesday

Today, I woke up feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and homesick. On top of that, Elena screamed this morning for twenty-ish minutes. I couldn't figure out why. She was fed, wasn't tired and I thought she had a clean diaper. Turns out she didn't. Even after changing her, she was still crying and wouldn't be consoled until I took off her pajamas and let her play in just her diaper, which she loves. She wore herself out, because she slept pretty soundly during the first hour of her nap, so it was nice to get in a break.

Elsa was a sweetheart today, so instead of an early nap, she and I watched Sofia the First and ate cheddar popcorn and she had M&Ms. Then she took a nap.

During the evening, Lisa and I had a couple good talks before she talked with Samuel and I got to look into some local things to see. I've always wanted to see fall from a different state, so I'm going to find a hike, waterfall or something else nature-y to fix my autumn bug. Yeah, I've been here for 4 falls now, but I've never actually ventured out that much. Since I have a car this time, I thought I'd make good use of it!

Anyway, counting my blessings, praying and finding encouragement in the little things. Every day- even the hard ones- have good moments and reasons to praise God!

Drive Time

Over the past 48 hours, I have driven 18+ hours. From Tennessee to Michigan and back down. That's a new record for me. Before this weekend the most I had driven in one go was 5 hours. Now I've done 9!

The Indiana skies were beautiful. Michigan stars were twinkling, sometimes even in the faintest colors of red and green. Kentucky's deciduous trees met the water at the river's edge. All four states were kissed with the touch of autumn.

For the past four years, I've traveled up to Michigan with my little Fuji family. It has always been within the first couple weeks of me living in Tennessee. By the time we're on our way back to Tennessee, I am super excited to be home. And that's when this place feels like home again.

Michigan Travels

Today is a travel day. A whirl wind trip from Tennessee to Michigan for a wedding. Over the course 3 days we will spend around 20 hours in the car. Just Lisa, me and two little ones. We may or may not be a little crazy.

Today is also the first day of fall. The weather in Tennessee, however? Yesterday was 90 degrees with 70% humidity. We're not entering fall in the way I'm used to with boots, sweaters and scarves on crisp cold days. But autumn has a way of showing itself, even in the heat. The some of the leaves are changing color, they are starting to fall with little gusts of wind. I am stoked to be driving up through four states and seeing the beginnings of fall all around different states.

Little Things

Last night I was lying on my bed, I had at least five chat windows open on my Facebook with people back home. Nights are my break. A time to recharge, to think, pray, talk with friends, and process what has happened the past month or so. Each evening is different, some are quiet evenings with Pandora playing Mandarin Orange or Ian Ethan Case while painting, writing or reading while other nights are focused on catching up with friend back home. This night was one for talking and spamming people with cute niece pictures.

While texting with with Elisabeth last night, I realized God had answered some of my prayers. Even the littlest prayer over the smallest problems, things that ultimately don't matter or that were just in the moment, God heard and answered me. It kinda blows my mind. The Creator of everything listens to what I have to say and blesses me. It's amazing.

Anyway, staying up until 1:30am with a 7:30 wake up was so worth it, although it calls for a rare cup of coffee for me.

Homesickness and Routines

Yesterday I cried. The baby wasn't sleeping, I was fighting a headache, fighting the desire to give in on my No-Sugar September and I was tired. So I sat on the couch, baby in my arms and burst into tears. I'm fine, I know I'm fine. It didn't hit me until about an hour later: I am homesick.

Realizing that made me examine the day a lot more. It's still too early to form a routine, I'm learning a new one, the routine of an infant and a toddler. It made me go easier on myself and to just do the next step.

Deep breath. I can do this. To do list written, dishes knocked out, bed made, simple things. The girls are happy, Lisa's happy, I am happy. I love this place.