Reasons for Not Writing

I've been too busy to write. Half true. I haven't felt like writing. That is true. There isn't anything positive to say. Half true. Writing and sharing trials and less-than positive times is hard. Fully true.

When I started this blog, I promised myself I wouldn't just share the cheery, my life is perfect posts, but posts about the hard time. About lessons I'd learn. About my personal problems. But that has become increasingly more challenging as things change here from being "my problems" to being "problems with the family or parents...". Here, I'm stuck. What is too much to share in writing? What is to vague and pointless? No one wants to read my rants. These thoughts, plus some, run through my head and so those posts remain as drafts, never to be posted and my blog goes, not forgotten, but quiet.

Anyway, Christmas sucked. Besides the fact that I spent the majority of the day on the couch throwing up or weak from being sick, it lacked the family traditions, the family togetherness and even the fact that we were celebrating Jesus' birthday. It felt fake. It felt toxic. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I even cried because we didn't make a banner to color like we have every year since we were little.

I'm hoping to be more positive for the next holiday. New Year's is our bigger celebration with presents and such, but after Christmas, I feel drained and unprepared....

August

I've neglected this blog horribly in the last few months. Mostly because I was busy, partially because I have very little internet as far as evenings and being in my room (the trailer) where I like to work and partially because I keep getting self-conscious about my writing. Starting now, I'm hoping to post a little more frequently. I won't always share to social media, so check out other posts as well...


To catch you up on August:

August was, without a doubt, the best month of my entire life. I never thought I'd say that about what is usually a crazy and exhausting month. I think the two back to back summer camps of previous years wore me out. This August only had one summer camp. My favorite summer camp. The one where the days were long, nights were short, filled with happy memories, good people, new friends, old friends, hard work, sickness, stargazing, traditions, talks with God, laughter, stare-downs, letter writing and pranks.

Amazing stargazing with friends.

Pranks and initiation rites.

Ian's first year! It was awesome!

I came away with such a happy heart, carefree, stress free and incredibly thankful for the people and opportunities God has put in my path. I could have been more content.

But then the post activity sadness set in. Everyone either lives far away or has a busy life. Then, at 2am after a movie, we threw around the idea of a road trip. At first, it was one of those eventually/I wish trip ideas, but then schedules and calendars were pulled out. A little under two weeks later, three friends, my brother and I headed out on a fantastic road trip down to Crater Lake.

Never before have I felt so comfortable with a group of people. It was natural, peaceful and fun. We got to explore Cannon Beach/surroundings and Crater Lake. We saw the most amazing display of stars we have ever seen, sang songs, played Jeep Beep and sat through traffic, ate veggie chips and gummy peach rings. We told stories, laughed and took in God's amazing creations (seriously, Crater Lake, Diamond Lake, Cannon Beach and stargazing had breath-taking views). Saying goodbye was hard to do, but plans for future adventures were talked about and friendships grew stronger.

Between those main adventures, mini things happened all over. The volleyball nights (I'm in love with playing volleyball), afternoon at Kayak Point, surprising my twin at her work, cleaning my bedroom and making it my home, cooking and going to the fair are among many happy moments from this month.

Kayak Point with friends

Surprising Gracie at work

Fair day with Jane

Memory book with Gracie

But it wasn't all happy. I had a couple super challenging days. I had things that were hard, decisions that felt impossible and where adulting became harder. It was all good, I learned some valuable lessons and felt like it drew me closer to God.

And that, folks, sums up the craziest, most peaceful, fun month of my life! I'm excited to see what all September holds!

Christmas Traditions

Now that I finally have a chance to sit down and actually write, I want to share my family's Christmas traditions, silly as they are. We have always celebrated Christmas as Jesus' Birthday. No gifts, no tree... We find a phrase about Jesus' birth either from song or the Bible and Dad draws large letters. Everyone makes designs and colors the banner and it hangs in the kitchen until all the holiday decorations get put away. This year it said "Son of the Most High". This is by far the classiest banner as far as designs go and even though I am not artistic at all, mine turned out quite nicely.

                       

Our other Christmas traditions include watching part of Handel's Messiah (from the 80s, I think) and A King is Born, the animated movie of Jesus' birth. We continue to watch it even though the youngest is a teen...