The Broken Car

Today did not go as expected. Lisa and the girls left for out of town this morning and I was super excited for the weekend off- my first weekend in a month. I had plans, plans to see nature, tour an old battlefield, to get ingredients to cook with and do some shopping I needed to do....

By 11:45, I had already driven a good 45 minutes out into the middle of nowhere. Saw Fort Donelson and now, as I drove down the National Park road, the car decided to stop running properly. Within three minutes a gentleman pulled over to make sure I was safe, checked my oil and made sure I had cell reception. There was nothing else he could do. About ten minutes later, he came back. Yes, guys, came back. He told me there was a museum about a mile away. I got there with hazards on and coasting into a spot. Barely. 

From there, I called people, Dad, a mechanic friend, Samuel and Lisa. I went Back and forth with Samuel trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. I was on the landline and running back and forth between the car and the phone.

Samuel arranged for a tow truck to come get me. While I waited, I went and toured The Homeplace, an 1850s historic farm. It was truly like traveling back in time. Once I finished touring the farm, I returned to the gift shop where I bought gift shop snacks (cause that's all I could do) and sat down by the door to wait. And waited. And waited. Three hours passed. The lady in charge kindly gave me the internet password, which she wasn't supposed to do. It was awesome to get to text Samuel about stuff and get updates on where the tow truck was.  

The tow truck got there at 5:30, half hour after the museum was closed. Two ladies stuck around until the driver got there and then she made sure that I was okay before leaving. Wallace, the tow truck driver had the thickest southern/hick accent I have ever heard. Between the windows being down, the diesel truck and his accent, it made for interesting conversations on the hour long drive to the base. 

By 7pm, We had reached the gate to get on base. He pulled to the side so we could get passes, but he had a pistol on his belt. Long story short, civilians aren't allowed to bring weapons on base. Basically, his company called another company to get another tow truck out to my location. So Wallace dropped the car and left. Half and hour later, the next tow truck got there. Isaac got right on loading the Escape and I went in for a pass.

The hassle of getting a pass was crazy. Since I didn't have the insurance card, the options were to email it (which I don't get with no wifi) or have the company fax it over. Another long story, exhausted me had to go ask the driver to show the MP the insurance card that Samuel texted him. By the time that came around, the MP gave me a passenger pass and let us on. 

Dropped the car off and called a cab. Another minor bucket list item checked off. Rode in a taxi. By 8:30 I was home. 8 hours of waiting for people or driving, I was finally home. 

Was I angry about how the day had messed with my plans? No, not really. I was shockingly calm although a little annoyed and disappointed, but I didn't let it affect my day. I was surprised by how kind people out here are. I had more than five or six people check in with me. Samuel mentioned it being "the worst day ever", but it wasn't, I was able to enjoy the little things, embrace the problem, pray and be thankful for kind people. 

Even though the day was hard and kept getting worse, my attitude was positive and to me, that another little victory. Oh, and I socialized with so many strangers today...An introvert nightmare. Anyway, congrats if you made it to the end and so sorry this post is so long! 

A New Medium

Just a couple weeks ago, I bought my first acrylic paint. A dark blue. A name brand. I've never really used acrylic paint before, so today when I tried it out, it was weird feeling. I kept wanting to go back to my water, to thin it out, to make the color fade. Acrylics (from my one time using them) seem to have a bolder color. Pure color. There is less fade like watercolors and without mixing it with other colors, it stays the same tone.

I had fun experimenting with it today. I think picking up a tube of white will help me learn how acrylics work a little better. Then I sat marveling at how cool my own finger was. The detail is crazy. And to think, no one has the same fingerprint as me...

Wednesday

Today, I woke up feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and homesick. On top of that, Elena screamed this morning for twenty-ish minutes. I couldn't figure out why. She was fed, wasn't tired and I thought she had a clean diaper. Turns out she didn't. Even after changing her, she was still crying and wouldn't be consoled until I took off her pajamas and let her play in just her diaper, which she loves. She wore herself out, because she slept pretty soundly during the first hour of her nap, so it was nice to get in a break.

Elsa was a sweetheart today, so instead of an early nap, she and I watched Sofia the First and ate cheddar popcorn and she had M&Ms. Then she took a nap.

During the evening, Lisa and I had a couple good talks before she talked with Samuel and I got to look into some local things to see. I've always wanted to see fall from a different state, so I'm going to find a hike, waterfall or something else nature-y to fix my autumn bug. Yeah, I've been here for 4 falls now, but I've never actually ventured out that much. Since I have a car this time, I thought I'd make good use of it!

Anyway, counting my blessings, praying and finding encouragement in the little things. Every day- even the hard ones- have good moments and reasons to praise God!

Blue

Blue. The ocean. The Sky. Forget-Me-Nots. Eyes. Sapphires and precious stones. Distant mountains. The night's sky and galaxies. Steller's jays and other birds. Blueberries.

While watching painting tutorials, I was surprised when they used blue in the foliage in trees. Even though I have yet to try painting my trees that way, I noticed on the long drive back from Michigan, that there was indeed blue among the array of colors in the fall trees. I'm not saying obvious blue, I'm talking about the undertones of blue.

Lately I've been loving the color blue. The five different shades of blue that I own are each so different and with different amounts of water or paint, the colors vary endlessly to different tones. To me, blue has depth and character. 

My Hair Vs Humidity

For the past few months, my hair care routine has gotten significantly easier. While it was damp/wet I would run through a small handful of conditioner and a little frizz reducing cream. Let it air dry. Tada, great loose, fully and fun curls.

Welcome to Tennessee, humidity is twice what is is back home and at 70% humidity, my hair likes to do crazy. I'm talking less curl and WAY more frizz. Basically, my curls and humidity don't play well together.

So back to hair gel. Large amounts of it. And relearning how to style stiffer curls. Or, on weekdays, giving into the frizz and wearing headbands...

A Painting Place

This was my painting place. I used our family travel trailer as a bedroom for the past four years. Since I started painting, I used this area even more. My first piece of framed art was up in this trailer. It became the home for many paintings, scattered about the trailer, leaning against everything. 

This is where I first started painting. It hold happy memories of music and painting, creating with siblings or friends 

From left to right on the back ledge: 

-The drawing of Soldier 76 from Overwatch that Alexa gave me

-A picture of me and Elsa that Samuel and Lisa gave me after my 6 month stay

-The galaxy painting I painted at CAMA camp with my new friends

-A list of characteristics I want to cultivate 

-The painting of my dear CAMA Camp field

-Mini picture of four of me and four of my siblings

-A Hawaiian girl blowing a kiss from my grandparents. 

On the benches are my supplies, my CERT kit, my memory box and yes... a sword.... So this was my painting space before I moved to Tennessee.

Emotions and Paints

I drove away angry. I had no destination. I needed a happy place. I needed to think, to clear my head. To calm down. 

Deception Pass is always gorgeous, no matter what the weather. This particular day was warm and beautiful. I walked out to the beach and found a picnic table with a gorgeous view and settled in. I had packed myself lunch and made tea. 

The drive had cleared my head a bit and listening to slack key guitar and painting calmed me down. It gave me time to reflect, time to pray, time to focus on something besides the bad. These hours of painting always put me in a good place.

I finished the afternoon up by walking on the beach collecting rocks to paint, taking pictures and singing with the windows rolled down on the drive home.

Anyway, this is me, real and a little rough-edged, learning to embrace the mess of life.

A Journey's Start: Watercolor

I started my art journey in September of 2016. I think what started it was watching my brother teaching himself to draw. Then the Bible teacher at the camp I go to every year did amazing art while teaching. I found it inspiring.

I'm not artistic. Cooking is my art. I could never do that. These are things I told myself. Excuses I told myself. Then someone called me out on it. It takes practice, copying the same piece over and over again until you find your style.

A borrowed box of Crayola watercolor pencils and I started experimenting. Then came a name brand set of watercolor pencils. Then, in October, I purchased my first tube of watercolor paint from Hobby Lobby. Chinese White. I needed stars for the galaxies I was creating. Then I bought a dark blue. Experiments with that blew my mind as I saw the different shades from one color. I was fascinated with what I could create.

The creases of my hand.

Slowly I built up my paint collection. Colors that matched or ones I needed for specific project. I would use a 40% off coupon for each one, slowly building my collection. Whenever I felt uninspired, I would buy a new paint. I still do.

I am excited to continue learning and loving art. And that is how I became an artist. Barely artistic, but an artist non the less.

Drive Time

Over the past 48 hours, I have driven 18+ hours. From Tennessee to Michigan and back down. That's a new record for me. Before this weekend the most I had driven in one go was 5 hours. Now I've done 9!

The Indiana skies were beautiful. Michigan stars were twinkling, sometimes even in the faintest colors of red and green. Kentucky's deciduous trees met the water at the river's edge. All four states were kissed with the touch of autumn.

For the past four years, I've traveled up to Michigan with my little Fuji family. It has always been within the first couple weeks of me living in Tennessee. By the time we're on our way back to Tennessee, I am super excited to be home. And that's when this place feels like home again.

Michigan Travels

Today is a travel day. A whirl wind trip from Tennessee to Michigan for a wedding. Over the course 3 days we will spend around 20 hours in the car. Just Lisa, me and two little ones. We may or may not be a little crazy.

Today is also the first day of fall. The weather in Tennessee, however? Yesterday was 90 degrees with 70% humidity. We're not entering fall in the way I'm used to with boots, sweaters and scarves on crisp cold days. But autumn has a way of showing itself, even in the heat. The some of the leaves are changing color, they are starting to fall with little gusts of wind. I am stoked to be driving up through four states and seeing the beginnings of fall all around different states.

8,765 Days

That's how long I've been breathing on this earth. A few months ago seeing that number would make me feel old, like I was behind schedule in life, that I should be better than I am. Not now. I am where I'm supposed to be, picking away at the life God's given me, cherishing little moments, working through hard ones and constantly clinging to Him through it all. Now I look at that number and think of all the wonderful things I can remember, the good, the bad and everything in between.

Twenty-three was a hard year. There were family issues, friendship issues, personal issues and so many changes (which I'm not great at). I have never cried so much that I didn't have tears, never driven so many miles to clear my head, never talked to people I barely know about my intimate problems. Yet amid these trials, I found peace. I found growth which I was longing for. I became closer to God. So as much as this time was really challenging, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

My hope is that being twenty-four would:
~bring more challenges and chances to grow
~help me face my fears
~draw me closer to the Lord
~bring more adventures and travels
~bring more forgiveness, empathy and laughter
~bring clarity for career choices and my future
~bring more star gazing nights
~be a strong year for friendships
~give me more chances to check things off my bucket list
~bring peace

The Storms of Life

The sermon at church this morning was like it was directed at me. It was a beautiful reminder that God is our rock and that we have to cling to him, even in the hardest of times. That  when the "storms of life" come our way. Jesus is our foundation. An anchoring point for us. A shelter. A righteous redeemer.

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteousness 

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, 

but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

When darkness veils His lovely face, 

I rest on His unchanging grace. 

In every high and stormy gale, 

my anchor holds within the veil. 

His oath, His convenant, HIs blood

support me in the whelming flood. 

When all around my soul gives way, 

He then is all my hope and stay. 

When He shall come with trumpet sound, 

O may I then in Him be found, 

dressed in His righteousness alone, 

faultless to stand before the throne. 

On Christ, the solid rock, I stand; 

all other ground is sinking sand, 

all other ground is sinking sand. 

My New Room

Saturday. I've been here a week. I'm falling into a nice routine, finding homesickness lessening with each day and being more comfortable in my new surroundings. I'm finally unpacked. My suitcases are in the closest, my clothes are folded or hanging, my books stacked neatly. The only things I have to do is hang a collage on the wall. 

Guys, I have a bathroom to myself. And a room. With a closet... It'll be interesting to see how I naturally keep my room, whether it will stay super clean or a complete disaster. I have a feeling it will be comfortably cluttery each week and on the weekends will get cleaned back up. 

Samuel and Lisa's new house is really big, so the internet in my room is kinda bad, but if I lay on the floor by my nightstand, I can get enough to text with people or play music. The "bonus" room across the hall from my room has better internet and a couch, so if I want to watch something, I head in there. 

I took a look at all the books I brought with me and I think it kinda says something about what I need. I didn't bring a single fiction book. Besides these, the only other books I brought were two art books to work through. It's a good thing Lisa has fiction books all over the place for when I finish these. 

So there is my room. I'm moved in and it's comfortable with a good view of the neighborhood. I'm home.  

 

Little Things

Last night I was lying on my bed, I had at least five chat windows open on my Facebook with people back home. Nights are my break. A time to recharge, to think, pray, talk with friends, and process what has happened the past month or so. Each evening is different, some are quiet evenings with Pandora playing Mandarin Orange or Ian Ethan Case while painting, writing or reading while other nights are focused on catching up with friend back home. This night was one for talking and spamming people with cute niece pictures.

While texting with with Elisabeth last night, I realized God had answered some of my prayers. Even the littlest prayer over the smallest problems, things that ultimately don't matter or that were just in the moment, God heard and answered me. It kinda blows my mind. The Creator of everything listens to what I have to say and blesses me. It's amazing.

Anyway, staying up until 1:30am with a 7:30 wake up was so worth it, although it calls for a rare cup of coffee for me.

Homesickness and Routines

Yesterday I cried. The baby wasn't sleeping, I was fighting a headache, fighting the desire to give in on my No-Sugar September and I was tired. So I sat on the couch, baby in my arms and burst into tears. I'm fine, I know I'm fine. It didn't hit me until about an hour later: I am homesick.

Realizing that made me examine the day a lot more. It's still too early to form a routine, I'm learning a new one, the routine of an infant and a toddler. It made me go easier on myself and to just do the next step.

Deep breath. I can do this. To do list written, dishes knocked out, bed made, simple things. The girls are happy, Lisa's happy, I am happy. I love this place.

Sunday and Transitions

Today was backwards from my normal Sunday schedules. Washington Sundays consist of Church, lunch with friends, volleyball or game nights, or hangouts with friends. Tennessee Sundays are quiet days with Church, preparations for the week, long naps, then dinner, conversations and getting ready to face the work week. Both are so different, but both are sweet.

Church this morning was interesting, it's a new church from the last time I came here. They don't have instruments to sing with, which kinda makes me sad, the message was good, however. This is a bit of encouragement I was able to take away from today's sermon:

When difficulties come out way,

 let's face them with faith and prayer.

I settled in a little more to my new home. I am horrible with transitions and new things. I like patterns and routines. I knew moving out here would be a world of changes, a new house, two kids instead of one, no one I know... I knew it would push me emotionally and spiritually and that's okay, I am slowly learning how to break out of boxes I have put myself in and adapt to new things. So heading into this week, my goal is to find a new routine, one that works for the little girls, works for Lisa and works for me.  Oh, and take pictures....

The Sleep Deprived Traveler

I'm not a particular fan of flying. Something about being stuck in a tube around 40,000 ft from the ground with a bunch of strangers that makes for a less than enjoyable time. Also, as a busy person, sitting still without movement or doing something productive is kinda hard.

With just 3.5 hours of sleep, I got dropped off at the airport. My flight time had changed, so I felt a little rushed through security. The first flight to San Francisco was fairly uneventful. I slept a good deal and listened to Lily and Madeleine.   

The second flight, which was twice as long, was really nice. The middle seat was open and I had the window seat, my favorite. I slept again for a good part of the flight. See why I stay up so late before? Read, watched a few episodes of a show and watched the scenery go by far below.

 I was happy to land and meet my new little nieces and see Elsa and Samuel and Lisa. I couldn't help feeling a little homesick last night, but that will wear off soon enough. 

September Summer

The last few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my entire life. Even while I've felt a lot of anger, sadness and stress lately, I was shown I have the best support system in my friends and a closeness with the Lord that I've never had. All the problems have also drawn us kids together and shown me that I wouldn't want any other family besides mine. So even though this time is painfully hard, it has helped me grow and face my fears. Amid the hardness of this page of my life there is sweetness I never expected.

A way I cope and think is to drive, so there have been a few days where I went out with no destination. I drove country roads, found new places and favorite places. I painted, walked beaches, took pictures and was thankful... I was determined to enjoy these last summer days. There is nothing like driving country roads with the windows down breathing in the warm ripe blackberries or the ocean. I am still in awe of the world God gave us to live in. I'm cherishing every day, even the hard ones, they are part of my story.