Remember

Remember the many voices of young and old singing praises to God in the warm summer evenings?
Remember the hours spent late at night searching the clouds for the twinkling of stars?
Remember the serious conversations squeezed between mid-afternoon activites.
Remember the tears when the end of the week came and we had to part.
Remember the lessons we learned.
Oh, these were some of my very favorite days. <3

Quite the Tuesday

It's been quite the week for it only being Tuesday. I am truly exhausted. I'm trying to have a good attitude and will probably cut my personal time down to get more sleep tonight.

Elena is having issues. She flat out refuses to drink the milk from the fridge and is now getting to the point where she just straight up refuses to drink from a bottle. It's purely a stubbornness issue. She's stubborn about eating other baby food and is now throwing other food on the ground. So she is grouchy because she's hungry, wobbly and falling over because she's hungry, not sleeping much because she's hungry. She's also having some bottomly troubles (if you get my drift), which also makes her grumpy. Anyway, it all makes me worried because the milk and the baby food are her only source of calories between 6-6...

Elsa, on the other hand, talks non-stop. No, literally non-stop. She enjoyed singing at the top of her lungs, 'reading' stories out loud and having tea parties. She also has a knack for needing my help during a strategic moment with Elena...

I'm still finding good things every day and I know I'm in a serious transition phase, but prayer would most definitely be appreciated as I figure out this new routine with these girls. Especially that Elena would start drinking from the bottle again...

This Home

Sunday. Church. It was 12 degrees when we left this morning. There was no way I was going to brave a dress. I did however wear my hair curly, makeup and earrings for the first time in a week. That got me thinking. I've been back in Tennessee for a six days. Less than a week.

Usually, the first week is awkward, a transition of getting into routine and knowing where my place is. This time, I pulled Lisa's car into the garage and stepped inside feeling like it was home. I knew where I stood. My room smelled like the apple candle a friend gave me. My clothes were folded or hung in the closet where I had left them. My books and art were untouched, exactly where I had left them six weeks earlier.

I've felt very little homesickness. Still, there's the ache of missing my siblings and the friends I saw absurd amounts of when I was home. I've texted a lot this week trying to keep caught up with everyone. But compared to past times, the homesickness isn't too bad. This is home after all...

Today was pretty darn near perfect. After Church came lunch. Then naps. Even I took a 2 hour nap, which is rare for me, as is texting past 1 in the morning... I watched the girls before dinner while Samuel and Lisa went shopping. We finished a 3 hour long movie we started last night. We played a game of Carcassonne while eating a fairly odd dinner of sushi, buffalo chicken dip and brie bites. We had serious conversations while making cookies and played another game while eating them. Sigh. This home is home.

48 Hours

I've been home for around 48 hours. Busy hours.

Thanksgiving morning:
4am wake up. Dressed and on the road by 4:30. Lisa woke the girls up and we all went down to the airport. Dropped off by bag. Hugged Elsa and told her I loved her. Kissed Elena's soft chubby cheeks. Hugged Samuel and Lisa. Lisa keeps telling me how much she's going to miss me. It's only six weeks.

Breezed through security. Stood in line for coffee for more time than I spent at security. Watched the sunrise from the airport windows. Boarded the plane and slept or watched movies. Finally landed. Between the ten minutes to deice the place in Nashville and waiting for other planes to get to our gate, I was going antsy. I wanted to be home. To see the family I hadn't seen for three months.

Back of the plane, so within the last 20 people to get off the plane. Slowest set of three opening doors one after another while leaving the secure part of the airport. I could see Dad and the doors took like 4 seconds each to open. Long traffic ridden drive home, but it was good to catch up with Dad.

The chaos of entering a house with seven adults of teenagers compared to my other home, quiet with just two adults and two babies. There were literally times where I couldn't keep up with the conversations because it was bouncing around so much. The process of finishing dinner, taking a family picture and catching up with people was fun. Dishes by hand until the kitchen was clean. Succeeded in counting calories during Thanksgiving dinner. Skype call with my Little Fuji Family. This was followed by three really dumb movies before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

Welcome allergies. Cats, dogs, mold... Puffy, itchy eyes, runny nose, trouble breathing. It's going to be a hard transition in that sense. But I'll get used to it.

Friday was minor shopping for necessities that I didn't bring back from Tennessee, watching ridiculously dumb movies, catching up with the Rothenbergers and some gift shopping online....

The past 48 ish hours have been way busier than a couple weeks in Tennessee, but it's a good busy.

Living Life

The last week or so I found myself counting down days until I go home, days before the weekend and even hours before Lisa got home. This time out in Tennessee has been challenging, it's been super hard emotionally and harder with the girls than I anticipated.

Don't get me wrong, there have been tons of amazing parts and sweet moments with the nieces that none of their other aunts get with them.  I know I am right where I'm supposed to be right now. Anyway, I don't want to think about my future and not live the life I have now. I want to cherish each little moment, each battle over naps or cleaning up and each snuggle and adventure.

So live this moment to its fullest. Take time to appreciate the wonderful times and time to reflect and learn from the challenging ones.

Thoughts and Feelings

I've been in Tennessee for twenty-seven days and I thought by now, the homesickness would have faded. I'm in a good routine here with the girls now and while I know I'm doing good work and a lot of work, I feel like I'm doing the same thing with no variance. Routine, right? Well, I'm not doing enough to inspire or push myself like I do in Washington.

That with the addition of feeling very lonely is not exactly my favorite combination. I feel out of touch with people, like there are only so many topics you can cover through text and only so few real emotions and social cues you can pick up on in texts. Am I right? Or is that just another weird me thing.

This lack of socializing has also thrown me back into some of my anxieties and insecurities in that area. Ones that I have to face with prayer. Prayer that my brain doesn't over analyze things or trick me into believing something that isn't true.

Wednesday

Today, I woke up feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and homesick. On top of that, Elena screamed this morning for twenty-ish minutes. I couldn't figure out why. She was fed, wasn't tired and I thought she had a clean diaper. Turns out she didn't. Even after changing her, she was still crying and wouldn't be consoled until I took off her pajamas and let her play in just her diaper, which she loves. She wore herself out, because she slept pretty soundly during the first hour of her nap, so it was nice to get in a break.

Elsa was a sweetheart today, so instead of an early nap, she and I watched Sofia the First and ate cheddar popcorn and she had M&Ms. Then she took a nap.

During the evening, Lisa and I had a couple good talks before she talked with Samuel and I got to look into some local things to see. I've always wanted to see fall from a different state, so I'm going to find a hike, waterfall or something else nature-y to fix my autumn bug. Yeah, I've been here for 4 falls now, but I've never actually ventured out that much. Since I have a car this time, I thought I'd make good use of it!

Anyway, counting my blessings, praying and finding encouragement in the little things. Every day- even the hard ones- have good moments and reasons to praise God!

Michigan Travels

Today is a travel day. A whirl wind trip from Tennessee to Michigan for a wedding. Over the course 3 days we will spend around 20 hours in the car. Just Lisa, me and two little ones. We may or may not be a little crazy.

Today is also the first day of fall. The weather in Tennessee, however? Yesterday was 90 degrees with 70% humidity. We're not entering fall in the way I'm used to with boots, sweaters and scarves on crisp cold days. But autumn has a way of showing itself, even in the heat. The some of the leaves are changing color, they are starting to fall with little gusts of wind. I am stoked to be driving up through four states and seeing the beginnings of fall all around different states.

My New Room

Saturday. I've been here a week. I'm falling into a nice routine, finding homesickness lessening with each day and being more comfortable in my new surroundings. I'm finally unpacked. My suitcases are in the closest, my clothes are folded or hanging, my books stacked neatly. The only things I have to do is hang a collage on the wall. 

Guys, I have a bathroom to myself. And a room. With a closet... It'll be interesting to see how I naturally keep my room, whether it will stay super clean or a complete disaster. I have a feeling it will be comfortably cluttery each week and on the weekends will get cleaned back up. 

Samuel and Lisa's new house is really big, so the internet in my room is kinda bad, but if I lay on the floor by my nightstand, I can get enough to text with people or play music. The "bonus" room across the hall from my room has better internet and a couch, so if I want to watch something, I head in there. 

I took a look at all the books I brought with me and I think it kinda says something about what I need. I didn't bring a single fiction book. Besides these, the only other books I brought were two art books to work through. It's a good thing Lisa has fiction books all over the place for when I finish these. 

So there is my room. I'm moved in and it's comfortable with a good view of the neighborhood. I'm home.  

 

Homesickness and Routines

Yesterday I cried. The baby wasn't sleeping, I was fighting a headache, fighting the desire to give in on my No-Sugar September and I was tired. So I sat on the couch, baby in my arms and burst into tears. I'm fine, I know I'm fine. It didn't hit me until about an hour later: I am homesick.

Realizing that made me examine the day a lot more. It's still too early to form a routine, I'm learning a new one, the routine of an infant and a toddler. It made me go easier on myself and to just do the next step.

Deep breath. I can do this. To do list written, dishes knocked out, bed made, simple things. The girls are happy, Lisa's happy, I am happy. I love this place.

Sunday and Transitions

Today was backwards from my normal Sunday schedules. Washington Sundays consist of Church, lunch with friends, volleyball or game nights, or hangouts with friends. Tennessee Sundays are quiet days with Church, preparations for the week, long naps, then dinner, conversations and getting ready to face the work week. Both are so different, but both are sweet.

Church this morning was interesting, it's a new church from the last time I came here. They don't have instruments to sing with, which kinda makes me sad, the message was good, however. This is a bit of encouragement I was able to take away from today's sermon:

When difficulties come out way,

 let's face them with faith and prayer.

I settled in a little more to my new home. I am horrible with transitions and new things. I like patterns and routines. I knew moving out here would be a world of changes, a new house, two kids instead of one, no one I know... I knew it would push me emotionally and spiritually and that's okay, I am slowly learning how to break out of boxes I have put myself in and adapt to new things. So heading into this week, my goal is to find a new routine, one that works for the little girls, works for Lisa and works for me.  Oh, and take pictures....

The Sleep Deprived Traveler

I'm not a particular fan of flying. Something about being stuck in a tube around 40,000 ft from the ground with a bunch of strangers that makes for a less than enjoyable time. Also, as a busy person, sitting still without movement or doing something productive is kinda hard.

With just 3.5 hours of sleep, I got dropped off at the airport. My flight time had changed, so I felt a little rushed through security. The first flight to San Francisco was fairly uneventful. I slept a good deal and listened to Lily and Madeleine.   

The second flight, which was twice as long, was really nice. The middle seat was open and I had the window seat, my favorite. I slept again for a good part of the flight. See why I stay up so late before? Read, watched a few episodes of a show and watched the scenery go by far below.

 I was happy to land and meet my new little nieces and see Elsa and Samuel and Lisa. I couldn't help feeling a little homesick last night, but that will wear off soon enough. 

Cascade Falcon XXII

Cascade Falcon has now been over for almost two weeks. So now I can actually think about it and not feel exhausted. ;-) So here's my experience.

I went into CFXXII dreadfully unprepared. I didn't have the uniform pieces I wanted, I had holes in my shoes.  I had an injured ankle.... Anyway, my attitude was a *little* less enthusiastic about going. I griped to Evelyn and she told me that I signed up for it, that I needed to find something good about going. So I thought and this is what I came out with:

1. I go to support my siblings. It was Jane's first time on Cadre and she did great!
2. I go so the parents of Arlington's cadets know there is someone reliable who their cadet can talk to if there is a problem. Or for parents to text for information.
3. I go to take Arlington Composite Squadron exclusive pictures. It's been nearly two weeks and NO official pictures have come out.
4. Learn something new.

So I adjusted my attitude. I was going to be positive, give leadership advice when needed, supply snacks to cadre members, not cause drama and have fun.

I got there and learned that instead of 1 flight of girls, I would have a squadron (2 flight- 24 people) to take care of. I had 1 hour to get 24 girls through the shower (we had 3 showers).... That's like 2 minute showers.

I have girls who cried, wanted to give up, who were homesick and in pain... I also had girls who inspired, who thrived under the leadership environment, who took initiative and who pushed themselves. I had girls who wouldn't shut up and girls who wouldn't talk.

I got pictures every day and it took me two days to completely edit them. I still haven't gotten them to parents like planned.

It was so worth it. I talked again to Evelyn yesterday and some things I got from the experience were: 1. I don't have to spend time with other senior members. The majority of the time, I was alone, watching my cadets.
2. I don't have to be friends with everyone. There were people there who I didn't get along well with. He just didn't treat me well and I had no energy to deal with that.
3. Always look into someone's eyes to ask they if they're okay. The answer will be different.
4. Never baby someone's injury. Have a suck-it-up mentality. If they're in serious pain, you'll know.
5. Thank people for helping or teaching you something.
6. Making eye contact and verbally greeting people are both just signs of a good person.

7. No matter how tired you are, standing outside and watching the sunset, even for just a couple minutes is always worth it. I recharged almost every night this way. It was a couple minutes to think over the day, pray and see something beautiful.

8. Always have a notebook with you. The one I chose was too small, so I didn't use it and regretted it a little.
9. Thank the people who serve you food. I know this one from experience....
10. Take time to write in year books, you never know what will make someone's day. I found out that I was the only one to write in one of the girl's book last year and it meant a lot to her.
11. Always be observing what going on in your surroundings.
12. Have a few stress relieving things to occupy the minds of students and cadre. One of my cadre members right before a stressful inspection had her girls playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. It was great.

I learned so much more, but these are the ones that came to mind first. Check out my pictures on Facebook!

Home

Welp, the time has come, I'll be traveling back to Washington tomorrow. The busiest travel day of the year. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to go home. I've missed my family for ages and so much as happened since I left. I can't wait to catch up with everyone. But like every time I leave this place, I realize how much of my heart is here.

I pulled my suitcase out of the closet last week and started collecting the random things that I wouldn't need and while doing so, Elsa asked
"What are you doing?"
I looked up at her, she had been playing happily
"I'm packing to go home."
She got really sad as she climbed down from the bed and came over.
"But... You are home..."
It nearly made me cry, but I gave her a hug instead. For someone so young, she understands a lot.

Today, I spent a good deal of the morning catching up on some miles I was behind from the weekend. Then we Skyped home for probably the last time this visit and talked with Anna at West Point as well as the family back home.

I made her macaroni and cheese for lunch and tucked her in for her nap. Our morning had been filled with songs, laughter and fun. This afternoon while she naps, I did laundry to get ready to pack and made salted caramel pretzel bark (seriously addicting) while listening to Pandora.

Oh, and I got a sweet package in the mail today from a friend. She's a favorite. :-) and not just because she sent fall cookies.

So my next post shall be from Washington where I will be diving into Thanksgiving, family, friends and holiday baking.

A Happy Quest for Fall

The "cabin fever" set in this week. For the past month, I have only gone out twice or so times a week. Compared to the somewhat crazy schedule at home where I usually go out at least once a day and often times will be out for hours running errands, chauffeuring kids and such. The first couple weeks were lovely, with no pressure, no demand to get ready for the day first thing each morning. All I did was wash dishes, watch Elsa, workout and clean. My batteries are finally recharged.

Today was lovely, I had a leisurely morning tidying up my room, bathroom and the upstairs bonus room where Elsa and I spend the majority of our time together. It's cozy up there with a giant air mattress and a super comfortable couch, plus the the surplus of books on one wall and the projector making it into a in-home theater. 

In the afternoon, I headed out. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do. I wanted to drive and see fall, drink something warm and then pick up the few items I needed before heading back. Getsome Coffee has the best raspberry white chocolate mocha, so I got one of those on my way out. I first went to Miss Lucille's, a sweet warehouse filled with booths of antiques and knick-knacks. It's a fun place to browse. 

After that, clueless of how far away it was, and without a GPS to help me if I got lost (I rarely do), I decided to venture to Port Royal State Park. It turned out to be a lovely drive down a windy highway and about twenty minutes off of the main highway. 

The view from the parking lot of the Red Fork river. I met a nice lady who was waiting for her client to arrive. She was a photographer and we talked for a few minutes and she told me about several places to check out at the park. 

And so I found fall!! It was fun to see all the deciduous trees and the crunching leaves on the ground.

I loved the vibrant greens against the dulling orange leaves. It once again proved that fall is my favorite time of year.

This field was technically not on the park property and thus I trespassed, which made me think of my best friend and how much I've changed... This field made me happy! I didn't stay for long, but the red barn in the distance and all the beautifully colored trees with the bright blue sky was just what I needed to see. 

My adventure felt like it ended way too fast as I picked up a couple things from Hobby Lobby and a few ingredients to make pretzel bites and cheese sauce this week.... 

All in all, today was a happy day and I am thankful for where I'm at. 

Back to Balkemania

Thursday morning, Samuel, Lisa, Elsa and I boarded a rented pickup and made the eight hour drive up to Michigan for Balkema wedding. I was a little concerned about the long drive with Elsa, but she was fantastic and didn't get car sick, which was AWESOME!

Lisa read Cruel as the Grave by Mrs. Southworth on the way up and back and that helped the time past quickly. We made really good time going up and made it to the rehearsal dinner. After the rehearsal, we went to the reception venue and went to work on some of the decorations.

The wedding was sweet. Everything went well and the reception venue made a stunning transformation from a gym to a reception venue. It was gorgeous and Lisa's Aunt Julie did an amazing job!

It was quite awkward for me because I didn't know hardly anyone there (besides bridesmaids), although tons of people seemed to know me and it was weird, cause I hardly know who they are. I'm pretty sure it's cause they see all the pictures I post of Elsa and it makes them think they know me....

Due to a culinary conversation during the wedding reception, Bob and Julie (Mrs. Balkema's sister) brought sushi the next day including raw scallops and raw tuna. It was delicious and super sweet of them. I had a fantastic time getting to know them this weekend!

Besides the horrible allergies I had the entire time I was there, it was a fantastic weekend. I love the Balkema family!

I made several realizations over the weekend:

-I have now been to three outta four Balkema kids' weddings. :-)

-I've never been to a wedding where I haven't worked in some way. This time, I was asked to run through the kitchen to look for necessary equipment, walk the cooks through the kitchen instead of the bride, moved chairs from the church, to the rec. center, helped slice and serve cake and all sorts of cleanup stuff...

-Even though I was busy almost the entire weekend, I missed my family even more than ever.

-My home away from home felt like home when I was away from it and came back. If that makes sense. ;-)

The sunset on the way back was gorgeous! We got back in decent time and unloaded the back of the pick up. It felt good to be home.

Listen, Learn and Live

The past few days I've been thinking a good deal. About writing, reading, expressing feelings and being empathetic. I've thought about how to listen better and focus on understanding what people are saying rather then trying (and usually failing) to look smart.

I've had the desire to read poetry, listen to the lyrics of songs, sit and watch the sun set or watch bubbles blow away. I've put down everything and just sat, curled up on the couch watching the rain gust down the street and how many thousands of droplets land on the road and tumble down the blades of grass to the flowers. I've put down my electronics and books to watch the lightening brighten the clouds and the thunder that rumbles from one side to the other. It's been peaceful. I want to improve myself, learn new things and listen to what's gong on around me.

Turn on Pandora or your Ipod music. Randomly select a song. Really listen to the words and understand the meaning.

Go on Pinterest. Pick a word that sums up how you feel or what you've had to do that day. For me, it was choice, or decision. Search that word with quote and see the results. It is encouraging.

Learn a new song. Explore your voice and sing with passion.

Find something in your life that you can change no matter what. So when the impossible things (or so they feel) come, you can always know that one part of your life you are in charge of. For me, that is eating well and exercising.

Ask questions and listen to answers. Problem solve and forgive.

Sometimes when I'm creative writing, I find myself wishing to give a character a deeper personality, believable struggles and weaknesses, strong and brave. Then I wish I had a character like that. It makes me want to explore the character I have become and see what changes need to be made

Routine

The Tennessee routine is setting in. Today has been wonderful so far. The morning was filled with playing with Elsa, potty trailing and picture taking.

The afternoons around here are beyond quiet. With the little munchkin sleeping and no one else in the house, it is completely silent. I worked out, showered and still had 2+ hours of free time before she woke up. For me, that means I get to recharge my batteries. It means art, reading, writing and listening to music. It means chatting, looking up new places to go and thinking. 

The late afternoon and evening will be filled with dishes, tidying up and games. It is a slow paced day, but I'm cherishing these slow moments because one day, I will want them back. 

2,385 Miles

That is how far I traveled today. It didn't feel like I traveled that far. The direct flight felt short and between watching the clouds and amazing views of the states. After staying up until 1:30am last night, I was running on very little sleep, which was awesome - I slept for around two hours of the flight, another reason the trip felt short.

Samuel, Lisa and Elsa met me at baggage claim and as soon as Elsa saw me, she ran up and hugged me tight. She hasn't stopped talking since. We did Trader Joe's shopping and didn't get home until dinner time.

And that was my day. Samuel and Lisa are super warm and it feels comfortable around them. But even so, I feel incredibly homesick this go around, so prayers would be greatly appreciated as I make this transition.

Cascade Falcon XXI

Wow, I haven't posted for ages! Mostly because I've been gone. Again. This time, however, at least I was in the state of Washington....

Four days after I got back from Louisville, Kentucky, Ian, Ev and I left for Camp Casey to work at Cascade Falcon XXI, Civil Air Patrol's basic encampment. Camp Casey has ZERO internet, so naturally, I went the entire time without it. It was only partially missed... The day we left, Ev gave me the wrong time to arrive, so we were there two hours early. I really had no problem with that, however, Whidbey Island and Camp Casey are gorgeous and it was easy to kill time in conversations with the other cadre members who arrived early.

For the next 9 days, I was a training officer for the encampment. Which meant...

During the day: I followed around my flight (Bravo flight) making sure everyone was okay, hydrated, healthy and not hazed. I had 17 people in my flight, plus two cadre members and another two who were in and out between Alpha and Bravo. I passed out a lot of sunscreen and cough drops during the week. I gave my advice to cadre and dealt with students who were emotional and homesick, dealt with minor injuries and took pictures of my people.

Bravo Flight touring Fort Casey

During the night: I had 22 girls in my barracks to take care of. I had one girl working under me, kindly referred to as Dormlord (although Dorm Chief was the official name). Anna (my Dormlord) got all the girls efficiently through showers each night (45 minutes to get them through the three showers we had). It was a fairly hard job at first, mostly because the water pressure sucked. It was a mist. I had to wash my hair in the utility sink... Anna and I did foot checks, asked how each was doing, if they were hydrated, answered uniform questions, handed out snacks and news letters and made sure the lights were turned off on time.

All the girls from Cascade Falcon XXI

After lights out was almost always entertaining. I would shower and get a few personal minutes (usually spent watching the sunset from the edge of the field) or the even more rare times of going to the staff barracks to talk/hang out with the seniors (which was hilarious), but by the time I got to bed, all the girls were deep asleep and that was what was amusing. A lot of my girls snored, a few would groan, one coughed almost non-stop, a couple rolled restlessly, I'm pretty sure one cried in her sleep and my favorite... sleep-talkers.... it was hilarious. They talked about food, apologized to one of the officers, mumbled and went back to sleep, but it happened almost every night from at least three different people.

Inside the female barracks

I got to work with a great group of senior members. We had fun bantering back and forth, making up fake awards for the annoying people, taking care of students, eating meals together and being overly-critical about the food- perhaps that was just me- and taking naps.

There was one particular day where three of us training officers took an hour long nap on the parade field while the cadets were doing parade practice. It may or may not have been the best nap of my life. I had my first cup of black coffee thanks to a senior member. Not something I'll get into, but I can definitely handle the bitter brew (it was Army Strong)... 

There was drama. Cadets wanting to go home, multiple knee injuries, nausea, dizziness, the occasional vomiting, the cadet who passed out after PT and some other things worse than that, students faking injuries to get attention... The list goes on, but at least there was like no senior member drama like the year before... When the cadets complained of stomachaches or headaches, the fix-all cure was to drink water. It almost always worked. 

Did I enjoy my training officer job? Yeah, it was fun. I walked an average of 7.2 miles a day totally more than 65 miles during the duration of my stay. I learned a LOT about the cadet program, mentoring people, dealing with students and cadre, problem solving and so much more I couldn't write it all down. 

Basically, I am beyond proud of my flight and the cadre running it. They did an outstanding job. And, I can't wait to go back next year, although I'll probably be doing some better shoe shopping. ;-)