Routines and Habits

One of my goals for 2018 is to make good routines and habits. Real, lasting ones.

The last couple years I've spent a lot of time on social media or watching dumb videos on Youtube. I stopped reading and writing. Last year, I became so busy with life that I didn't spend as much time watching things, but still found a way of wasting my remaining time on social media.

I'm forming habits of making my bed right when I leave it, keeping my clothes more organized and tidying my room daily. By washing my face more before bed and taking a few minutes to look out of my bedroom window to the sky....

We're just 27 days into the year, but already I've seen some progress. I've started writing again. I've taken time to do more push ups and created a push up goal. I've faithfully written in my journal every day, which literally has never happened for more than two or so weeks in the past. I've started a devotion book. I now have a reading list. I only have six titles on it, mostly non-fiction, which is new to me. But I'd love your book suggestions!

Anyway, routines and habits are happy to me. I like seeing progress. The pages of a book being turned over or pages of a notebook filled with scribbles of day to day life. 

Passport

Getting a passport was on my list of things to do in 2017. I've always wanted a passport. The ability to travel anywhere appealed to me. The idea of stamping it with locations, seeing new things... But it was never urgent, so I just didn't get to it until November. Plans foiled as I set up an interview appointment and it got canceled. And then I didn't have a car, so I had to wait until I was back in Washington... And then busyness...

When I left Tennessee before the holidays, Lisa gave me a beautiful leather passport case. She has always encouraged me to travel. So before 2018 hit, I had the application completed, interview done and the packet was in the mail.

Two days before I flew, my very first passport arrived in the mail.

For now, domestic flights. But dreams and planning will eventually happen. Top of the list? Iceland. I want to see the black sand beaches, hike to waterfalls. See the Northern Lights and stars. Elephant Rock. After that? Who knows, cruises, Europe.... 

Reflection and Projection

The highlights of 2017 were way outnumbered by the lowlights, but I wouldn't change it for anything. The personal growth I've made this year wouldn't have been possible without the challenging times. I've learned (and am learning) to rely on God more, people less and to cultivate my relationship with Him. I'm learning to control my anger - anger management has always been one of my big weaknesses, so it's a hard one. I'm learning to apologize when I do things that are inconsiderate, rude or straight up wrong. I had my first taste of jealousy and saw what happens when I overthink. I learned the importance of communication, of being vulnerable and of just listening to hear, not speak. I faced things I was afraid to do. I took a class by myself, which, until this year, I had never been brave enough to do... All this, just a snippet of what I'm learning...

In 2018, I want to continue growing and learning. I want to face some fears, break boxes I've put myself in and fight for what's right. I want to learn how to be empathetic. I want to be strong, physically, mentally and spiritually. I need to learn to keep calm during conflict. To cry when I need to and then press on. I'm determined to smile more through the hard times. I want to be filled with grace. My goal for 2018 is to grow.

Reasons for Not Writing

I've been too busy to write. Half true. I haven't felt like writing. That is true. There isn't anything positive to say. Half true. Writing and sharing trials and less-than positive times is hard. Fully true.

When I started this blog, I promised myself I wouldn't just share the cheery, my life is perfect posts, but posts about the hard time. About lessons I'd learn. About my personal problems. But that has become increasingly more challenging as things change here from being "my problems" to being "problems with the family or parents...". Here, I'm stuck. What is too much to share in writing? What is to vague and pointless? No one wants to read my rants. These thoughts, plus some, run through my head and so those posts remain as drafts, never to be posted and my blog goes, not forgotten, but quiet.

Anyway, Christmas sucked. Besides the fact that I spent the majority of the day on the couch throwing up or weak from being sick, it lacked the family traditions, the family togetherness and even the fact that we were celebrating Jesus' birthday. It felt fake. It felt toxic. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I even cried because we didn't make a banner to color like we have every year since we were little.

I'm hoping to be more positive for the next holiday. New Year's is our bigger celebration with presents and such, but after Christmas, I feel drained and unprepared....

December

9 days home. Nine sets of people visited - groups, individuals and families. I thought I was doing just great as far as how short a time six weeks is. Then I laid out my schedule for the month of December...

Between holiday baking, catching up with friends, two Christmas concerts, family coming into town, other family coming into town, traveling to Canada, attending a ball and the holidays in general, it's pretty crazy!

Little Victory

Yesterday, I resisted ALL the excuses I could think of and worked out. Yesterday, I jogged my first ever half mile. I'm half way to my goal. I'm pretty excited! 

Each day I'm pushing myself closer to my goals. I guess those motivational videos I watch while jogging are actually motivational after all! 

A Beautiful Book

Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell is hands down, my favorite book. There is something endearing about the heroine and some of the supporting characters. There are several...well...cringe worthy characters as well.

If you haven't read Wives and Daughter, I most definitely recommend it... With a disclaimer, however: it is an unfinished book, the author died before it was finished. I also recommend the BBC movie as well.

 I've wanted an old copy of the book for seven or eight years, but finding a reasonably priced and in decent shape book was near impossible. After watching the movie with Lisa last month, I resumed my search. There are quite a few versions that came in volumes, so finding matching ones was nearly impossible. With a decent amount of searching, I found this version on Etsy that was perfect.

This pocket sized version is perfect. It's a beautiful blue color and fine print inside. For how long the story is, it's amazing it was printed in so compact a book! 

This book was mailed from the UK, so I had no idea if I would actually get it. I am beyond thrilled with it and can't wait to spend my evenings drinking vanilla chai and reading this beautiful story again.

Drive Time

Over the past 48 hours, I have driven 18+ hours. From Tennessee to Michigan and back down. That's a new record for me. Before this weekend the most I had driven in one go was 5 hours. Now I've done 9!

The Indiana skies were beautiful. Michigan stars were twinkling, sometimes even in the faintest colors of red and green. Kentucky's deciduous trees met the water at the river's edge. All four states were kissed with the touch of autumn.

For the past four years, I've traveled up to Michigan with my little Fuji family. It has always been within the first couple weeks of me living in Tennessee. By the time we're on our way back to Tennessee, I am super excited to be home. And that's when this place feels like home again.

8,765 Days

That's how long I've been breathing on this earth. A few months ago seeing that number would make me feel old, like I was behind schedule in life, that I should be better than I am. Not now. I am where I'm supposed to be, picking away at the life God's given me, cherishing little moments, working through hard ones and constantly clinging to Him through it all. Now I look at that number and think of all the wonderful things I can remember, the good, the bad and everything in between.

Twenty-three was a hard year. There were family issues, friendship issues, personal issues and so many changes (which I'm not great at). I have never cried so much that I didn't have tears, never driven so many miles to clear my head, never talked to people I barely know about my intimate problems. Yet amid these trials, I found peace. I found growth which I was longing for. I became closer to God. So as much as this time was really challenging, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

My hope is that being twenty-four would:
~bring more challenges and chances to grow
~help me face my fears
~draw me closer to the Lord
~bring more adventures and travels
~bring more forgiveness, empathy and laughter
~bring clarity for career choices and my future
~bring more star gazing nights
~be a strong year for friendships
~give me more chances to check things off my bucket list
~bring peace

September Summer

The last few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my entire life. Even while I've felt a lot of anger, sadness and stress lately, I was shown I have the best support system in my friends and a closeness with the Lord that I've never had. All the problems have also drawn us kids together and shown me that I wouldn't want any other family besides mine. So even though this time is painfully hard, it has helped me grow and face my fears. Amid the hardness of this page of my life there is sweetness I never expected.

A way I cope and think is to drive, so there have been a few days where I went out with no destination. I drove country roads, found new places and favorite places. I painted, walked beaches, took pictures and was thankful... I was determined to enjoy these last summer days. There is nothing like driving country roads with the windows down breathing in the warm ripe blackberries or the ocean. I am still in awe of the world God gave us to live in. I'm cherishing every day, even the hard ones, they are part of my story.

Solo Adventure

Yesterday, I drove. No true destination. GPS-less. Spontaneous. For those who do not know me well, that is a rarity. I am a planner. I plan routes based on left hand turns and not taking the same road a lot. But not yesterday. I was in need of peace, a time to recharge my introverted side after a social weekend. I was in need of finding nature and painting inspirations.

Through forests, up hills, with sun in my eyes and windows rolled down, I drove. I fell in love with the mountains, the leaf-less trees mixed with evergreens, the lakes and rives, even the pot-hole filled roads. I enjoyed the challenge of not getting lost, of trying new roads and finding new places.

While in Tennessee, I would purposely leave the house in search of nature, since it was so different from here and yesterday I realized that I need to keep doing that. There is so much of Washington that I can explore.

I can't wait for the roadside stands to open up, until the tulips and daffodils bloom and when watching the sunset doesn't freeze me completely. 

I highly recommend adventuring. Both solo AND with friends. It was such a refreshing time. A thoughtful time. A quiet time... It's what we all need sometimes. 

Adventure of the Gracies

We decided to celebrate our Friendiversary. We did some talking and we decided we've been really good friends for six years. We've known each other for a lot longer than that, but were never friends.

This morning, Gracie came over and we headed out on an epic adventure to Whidbey Island. Our first stop was at Rosario Beach. It is now my favorite spot. It was gorgeous. Although really cold, so be warned. Also, don't dress like Gracie and leave your warm jackets at home...

Gracie had never gotten out of Deception Pass, so after the leisurely drive out and the recon missions to several parks and beaches, we got to the Deception Pass Bridge and walked most of the way across.

The drive continued to Langley where we stopped for lunch and coffee. I got an amazing London Fog (one of my favorites). We shopped around the town, which has some rather cute shops. Our favorite shop was called Music for the Eyes. It was a great store with a collection of cool rugs, gorgeous jewelry and beads from all over the world (mostly Middle East and Asia).

We drove further still and found a random beach where the lighting was great so we stopped for pictures/photoshoot/to admire the view, but mostly for pictures. ;-)

We stopped off at an art gallery on the way back home as well as to try on formal dresses as Ross. It was super fun and both of us didn't want the day to end.

In addition to all that, I saw mountains for the first time since I've been home, we ate amazing chocolates, drove through slush, hail, snow-ish and rain, had many conversations and drove over 200 miles. It was a lovely day and I'm so thankful to have this girl in my life!

August

I've neglected this blog horribly in the last few months. Mostly because I was busy, partially because I have very little internet as far as evenings and being in my room (the trailer) where I like to work and partially because I keep getting self-conscious about my writing. Starting now, I'm hoping to post a little more frequently. I won't always share to social media, so check out other posts as well...


To catch you up on August:

August was, without a doubt, the best month of my entire life. I never thought I'd say that about what is usually a crazy and exhausting month. I think the two back to back summer camps of previous years wore me out. This August only had one summer camp. My favorite summer camp. The one where the days were long, nights were short, filled with happy memories, good people, new friends, old friends, hard work, sickness, stargazing, traditions, talks with God, laughter, stare-downs, letter writing and pranks.

Amazing stargazing with friends.

Pranks and initiation rites.

Ian's first year! It was awesome!

I came away with such a happy heart, carefree, stress free and incredibly thankful for the people and opportunities God has put in my path. I could have been more content.

But then the post activity sadness set in. Everyone either lives far away or has a busy life. Then, at 2am after a movie, we threw around the idea of a road trip. At first, it was one of those eventually/I wish trip ideas, but then schedules and calendars were pulled out. A little under two weeks later, three friends, my brother and I headed out on a fantastic road trip down to Crater Lake.

Never before have I felt so comfortable with a group of people. It was natural, peaceful and fun. We got to explore Cannon Beach/surroundings and Crater Lake. We saw the most amazing display of stars we have ever seen, sang songs, played Jeep Beep and sat through traffic, ate veggie chips and gummy peach rings. We told stories, laughed and took in God's amazing creations (seriously, Crater Lake, Diamond Lake, Cannon Beach and stargazing had breath-taking views). Saying goodbye was hard to do, but plans for future adventures were talked about and friendships grew stronger.

Between those main adventures, mini things happened all over. The volleyball nights (I'm in love with playing volleyball), afternoon at Kayak Point, surprising my twin at her work, cleaning my bedroom and making it my home, cooking and going to the fair are among many happy moments from this month.

Kayak Point with friends

Surprising Gracie at work

Fair day with Jane

Memory book with Gracie

But it wasn't all happy. I had a couple super challenging days. I had things that were hard, decisions that felt impossible and where adulting became harder. It was all good, I learned some valuable lessons and felt like it drew me closer to God.

And that, folks, sums up the craziest, most peaceful, fun month of my life! I'm excited to see what all September holds!

Crater Lake

It was a rather spontaneous plan, made in the parking lot of a movie theater at 2am. A plan that none of us actually thought would happen. A little less than two weeks later after much planning, some challenges and lots of excitement, we got in the van and began to drive. We kept looking at each other. Eyes lit. Smiles wide. Hearts happy. We were on a road trip. It was immediately comfortable, like being with family, we had talks and silences, serious and jesting conversations, we sang, danced and snacked away the 476 mile drive down to Crater Lake, Oregon. Best weekend of my life.

We stopped off at Cannon Beach to have lunch and to see the beach. It holds fond memories for the majority of us, but now it has even more fond memories of getting drenched by misty rain. Of frolicking in the waves. Of soggy hair and cold feet. Of homeless chic and delicious warmth from Insomnia Coffee.

And then more driving. Warming up under blankets, snacking on peach rings and figuring out that veggie straws are way more fun to eat when you blow out as you bite. Crumbs were everywhere. From Oregon gas stations and an overly flirtatious attendant to pulling over for yet another bathroom break (yes, I lost the game the most) we drove. The excitement of realizing that in just a few short hours were were out of state. 

We set up camp, including not bringing a proper second tent, which meant the boys suffered a bit as far as the sleep department... Ate dinner and literally hung around the campfire for hours until it became dark enough to see the stars. The adventure to find a "good" stargazing location in and of itself was fun and entertaining, if not a little scary as we drove down construction roads in the black of night around Crater Lake. We found a glorious field (a dessert, actually) that was dark and perfect. As far as looking up. It was so breathtakingly beautiful I can hardly describe it, but I will try.

The view was vast, we lay, heads together in the center, blankets, sleeping bags and towels keeping us warm and laying on a tarp to keep up dry. None of us knew that apparently Crater Lake is among the top ten dark sky locations in the National Park System. We could see so many stars. We laughed at the location of the big dipper and how some of us couldn't see it. We held our breath, then burst out laughing, but that was the only sounds. There was no constant roar of the highway, so sirens or dogs barking. Pure, blissful silence with the only sound being the peaceful breathing of these friends. We lay out in that field until we were gibberish with exhaustion, or in some cases, fell asleep. We could see so many stars, layers upon layers of stars and breathtaking shooting stars. We were also extremely lucky to have had a new moon that night, so it was even darker! It gave me perspective and made me appreciate God so much more. 

The next morning I was up first. I walked down to Diamond Lake and sat on the dock. I made hash for breakfast and we packed up the tent and campsite. We took our time. We drove to Crater Lake and the first sight of it in the day light was mind blowing and made me unreasonably excited. I had wanted to go here for many many years.

We drove around, stopping at many of the outlooks and taking pictures or hiking past fence lines. We hiked up to a lookout tower and sat on the edge just looking at the magnificent view. It felt so unreal.

The drive home was more or less dreaded, not because of the distance, but because none of us wanted this short little adventure to end. None of us wanted to recognize that we were going different directions within a few weeks. Our conversations skipped between serious and giggly. Friendships strengthened. Sure we've known each other for ages, some, up to eleven years, but in that particular, short weekend we became true friends.

Since then, we've gone on other adventures, expeditions to forts, watching sunsets and starry nights, late night talks and near constant Facebook chats. Then it happened, life got in the way. I left first, making the 2385 mile journey to Tennessee. Another left a week or so later to begin his 1500 (ish) mile drive to Arizona and closely following that, my best friend made the 5239 mile journey to Peru for a missions trip.

And that is my little story of one of my most favorite weekends of my life.

Mega Cavern Zip Lining

I've always wanted to do some serious zip lines. Quite different from the ones we used to make and use in the back yard as kids. So I made it happen...

Ian and I left Samuel and Lisa's at 2:40. We had to be in Louisville by 6:30 and technically it's only a 2 hour and 56 minute drive. Somewhere along the way we switched time zones and blah, blah, blah, we ended up with an ETA of 6:40. Don't tell anyone, but I made up like 15-ish minutes, five of which we lost on a bathroom break. I just couldn't wait to go and we needed gas. We ended up getting to Louisville's Mega Caverns at 6:31 to check in for the zip lining tour.

The cavern was huge. The guides were nice, informative and funny. Sarah, the girl, was super sarcastic and perky and Michael had some fun stories in response to our questions on people afraid of heights and such. There were six zip lines, two long suspension bridges and a few other walks high up in the cavern. It was awesome.

The suspension bridge challenge was to keep your hands on your helmet instead of holding on to the edge. I thought it was going to be easy, but then the ground vanished way below me and it felt a little weird. I still did it without touching the sides, but it was very Indiana Jones-ish. They even played the theme song.

The last zip line was a racing one, so Ian and I raced. I guess winning that one made up for the fact that at the water park yesterday, I lost every water slide to Ian.

Anyway, if you're ever in Louisville, I totally recommend this place, although I'd not bring Moms who would be concerned for the well-being of her kids around heights, kinda like my Mom would be.... ;-) It was spendy, but well worth the cost in my opinion.

Planning Another Adventure

So today, I was looking at pictures on Instagram of Fort Worden. A completely different fort from the one we visited.... At first, I thought it was just people miss labeling their photos, but decided to look it up.

This blog showed me what exactly I was missing.... The majority of Fort Worden went unexplored by me and my friends! We explored 2/9 of the bunkers!

So I guess I'll have to plan another outing to explore that part of the fort. I wonder if it is pretty quiet, seeing as even I didn't realize it was there and I did some research... Good thing is, there's another fort, Fort Flagler that is 40 minutes away from Fort Worden. It is the fort that completes the triangle... 

It too looks like a fun fort to explore! And it's on an island! So, for those of my friends up for another adventure... Looks like we have two destinations to check out in late July or early August.

According to Ev, you've seen one fort, you've seen them all. I disagree and can't wait to go exploring again! Perhaps we'll even find a better singing bunker.

And I'll learn from my mistakes and make reservations for the ferry and bring enough water/snacks ;-) 

Fort Worden Adventure

You know the times when you see your friends at different activities, but you don't actually get to hang out and talk with them? That's how I've felt pretty much the entire time since I've been home. I've seen friends at dancing, volleyball, Jane's choir and birthday parties. But it's not the same as actually getting to hang out with no real schedule or plans.

Nate Miles and I while trying to arrange a day to go somewhere as a group of friends, could not settle on a date, pushing it out into June. Big family with older kids problem right there... So on a more spontaneous idea, we set the date for Sunday, just over a week away. Ridiculous that everyone we wanted to come was able to come that day! But skipping Church... 

8:45 Sunday morning, a Jamieson, a couple Hackings, a few Miles and three Fuji's embarked in the rather dirty 15 passenger van and headed Northwest to Coupville. We really wanted to catch the 10:15 ferry, so we were cutting it way too close. I was positive we would have to wait for the 11:45 ferry (which is way too long to wait). We were sooooo excited that we were the second to last car boarded on that ferry. They had me re-park after the initial time pulling up in order to get us to fit. We were stoked to be on that ferry and many high-fives went around. 

Needless to say, we had a blast on the ferry, both admiring the view, losing members of our group and then sending other off to find them, then people to find the people who were sent to find the original group who had just returned. It turned into an endless cycle of missing people. It was hilarious! 

We finally got to Fort Worden and after posing for pictures in the beached boat, we explored the fort. It was just as cool as I remembered. Almost all the doors opened and closed, hardly any were welded closed and the super narrow (almost creepy narrow) pathways between bunker rooms were super sweet. We did a lot of singing in the bunkers because the acoustics are amazing in those rooms! 

We had our standard Robin Hood lunch on the REAL sand beach and then while the others explored, Nate, Lindsay and I found an even better bunker to sing in. We had fun singing before being joined by the others. I felt a little bad doing a Sunday since everyone goes to Church, but I have to say, the fellowship and worship that happened in that bunker was 10x better and more natural then going to Church. :-D 

Even though we left plenty of time to get back to the ferry, most people made reservations for that particular ferry, so we were stuck at the terminal for an additional 1+ hour. John, Jane and I played card games while the other explored Port Townsend. All of us played Quack, Quack, Bang and Ninja until it was time to board. 

As if that day wasn't crazy enough as is, Ian and I took Kaylie to volleyball and caught the last game before heading home and to bed. Now to clean up the van and wait patiently until the next time we can have a crazy adventure like this one was. I love this particular set of friends, they're so easy to be around, we're like one crazy family. <3

Kingston, Ontario

While in New York, we headed to Kingston, Ontario. The shops were supposedly open and it sounded like fun. The hour and fifteen minutes drive was prettier with two gigantic bridges and a views of some of the Thousand Islands.

We drove around Kingston, the architect was pretty cool, including seeing (from a distance) part of the Royal Military College of Canada, basically the West Point equivalency in Canada. I wish we could have seen more of the actual college, but maybe another time.

We stopped at a wonderful tea store which had some of the most unusual flavors. I don't like tea. I would drink only loose leaf peppermint tea, so for me, to drink four different cups of tea in one day is quite a feat. Well, I succeeded and the best one I tried was not peppermint! One had popcorn flavoring, another had nuts as the major flavor. It was interesting!

Anyway, we barely touched the tip of Kingston in the partial day we had, but it was well worth the short little drive and the non-existent border crossings. Plus it was my first time in Ontario 

We also saw a bobcat on the side of the freeway, which is the craziest animal I've ever seen in the wild. It was super cool. 

Upstate New York

(From last weekend) Watertown New York can be summed up with one word. Sketchy. It's kinda sad because I see so much potential for how it could be transformed into a lovely historic town with shops and proper businesses. Instead, the historic architecture is crumbling away, worn down brick buildings and old, interesting homes are rotting away. The people are sketchy, the restaurants are bad. pathetic even. And there's not much to do in the freezing temperatures.

Seeing Allen and Kayla was amazing. They were so welcoming and kind. They made me feel right at home with them. Kayla makes delicious food and it was really fun to visit until really late, catching up with what's going on with them, my plans for the future and many other things. Probably the most helpful subject we talked about was how different it is going to be to go home. That sounds weird to say, but in the span of six months, a bunch has changed. New drivers, new hobbies, new friends... I feel like I have a lot to catch up on.

We went to check out a town called Clayton. It is on the edge of the St. Lawrence River. It had a gorgeous view. The river was frozen, so it looked amazing!

The only shops that were open were the olive oil and vinegar. It was super fun. We tasted a whole bunch of different flavors. The balsamic vinegars were REAL balsamic, not the wine vinegar with flavorings and coloring....the oils didn't feel greasy at all and everything was super delicious! I bought a glass bottle of raspberry balsamic and Allen got a bottle of orange olive oil for me. I'm excited to cook with it.

We also stopped at a Maple store. They are having a maple weekend in a couple weeks showing how things work. I so wish I could be here for that, but it's now on my bucket list. I also had Maple Cream for the first time ever and it was delicious!

We also stopped to take pictures of the sunset over Lake Ontario and watched a movie before bed. It was a lovely day.

Dreams and Risotto

So my first work week back is done. Yes, it was a short week. Good thing about having a similar schedule to the military is that I get all the same holidays and other days off. With only one partial day with little K, it was a quiet, easy week. Elsa got a fever yesterday and slept and snuggled for the entire day. I wrote out some hopes and dreams for this year.

my friends, you must help me....

I also tried my hand at making risotto. I used chicken thighs and baked them up with lemon, salt and pepper and along with 1.5 pounds of mushrooms, it turned out quite nicely. Best part is, it made enough risotto for lunch for all four of us the next day and Elsa loved it.

Looking for something fun to do over the weekend here in Clarksville, but I don't really have any great ideas. I've been pleasantly surprised by how I haven't been too homesick during this transition back, but weekends make me want people to do things with.