Reflection and Projection

The highlights of 2017 were way outnumbered by the lowlights, but I wouldn't change it for anything. The personal growth I've made this year wouldn't have been possible without the challenging times. I've learned (and am learning) to rely on God more, people less and to cultivate my relationship with Him. I'm learning to control my anger - anger management has always been one of my big weaknesses, so it's a hard one. I'm learning to apologize when I do things that are inconsiderate, rude or straight up wrong. I had my first taste of jealousy and saw what happens when I overthink. I learned the importance of communication, of being vulnerable and of just listening to hear, not speak. I faced things I was afraid to do. I took a class by myself, which, until this year, I had never been brave enough to do... All this, just a snippet of what I'm learning...

In 2018, I want to continue growing and learning. I want to face some fears, break boxes I've put myself in and fight for what's right. I want to learn how to be empathetic. I want to be strong, physically, mentally and spiritually. I need to learn to keep calm during conflict. To cry when I need to and then press on. I'm determined to smile more through the hard times. I want to be filled with grace. My goal for 2018 is to grow.

Reasons for Not Writing

I've been too busy to write. Half true. I haven't felt like writing. That is true. There isn't anything positive to say. Half true. Writing and sharing trials and less-than positive times is hard. Fully true.

When I started this blog, I promised myself I wouldn't just share the cheery, my life is perfect posts, but posts about the hard time. About lessons I'd learn. About my personal problems. But that has become increasingly more challenging as things change here from being "my problems" to being "problems with the family or parents...". Here, I'm stuck. What is too much to share in writing? What is to vague and pointless? No one wants to read my rants. These thoughts, plus some, run through my head and so those posts remain as drafts, never to be posted and my blog goes, not forgotten, but quiet.

Anyway, Christmas sucked. Besides the fact that I spent the majority of the day on the couch throwing up or weak from being sick, it lacked the family traditions, the family togetherness and even the fact that we were celebrating Jesus' birthday. It felt fake. It felt toxic. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I even cried because we didn't make a banner to color like we have every year since we were little.

I'm hoping to be more positive for the next holiday. New Year's is our bigger celebration with presents and such, but after Christmas, I feel drained and unprepared....

The Sky

 11:30, ready to head to bed, even walking there. The twenty something steps from the house to my room. Carefully watching the slippery, ice covered wood of our porch, but once safely past that, my eyes lift to the sky. They do every night, cloudy or clear, always hoping to see the stars twinkling in the blackest of nights. The sky gives me perspective. It is full of memories, happy and not, full of tears, of laughter, of conversations with God. Some nights when I look up to cloud filled skies, I know what hides behind them. 

Last night, I grabbed a blanket and went out to the cul-de-sac. Within five freezing minutes, where my shoes were freezing to the ground and my face felt like an ice cube, I watched the sky. For the two brilliant meteors that I did see, it was worth it.  

December Painting

Was it too cold to paint? Nope. Sure the cement was cold through my pants, but the sun was actually relatively warm and the hot chai tea helped keep me toasty.

Bundled up with a killer view of the Olympic mountains and enjoying these sunny December days is my idea of a good time. It was relaxing and fun. In public, but also in nature.

I almost gave up with the idea of painting after the cap to my gray paint got stuck on. I have to have my gray. It is one of the more versatile colors and I often use it mixed with blues and greens to help get the muted colors I want. My persistence helped and I eventually got the cap off.

Sure I didn't finish my painting. I had a time pressure and other things still to do. And singing in the bunkers, even by oneself is a must. Although it is a tad more creepy to walk the dark halls with just the sound of boots hitting the cement.

Painting at the Fort

Adventured alone today. I needed the recharge time. Since I've been home, the pace has been crazy and exhausting. 

I dropped Evelyn off at school. The sunrise was stunning and made me want to wake up early and see more glorious mornings with pink skies behind snow capped mountains. I've missed those views.

The drive to Fort Casey was relaxing with the few exceptions of annoying drivers who didn't know how to read a speed limit sign *insert minor road rage and name calling here*. Hardly anyone was at the park for the first hour or so while I was there, so I wandered about taking pictures and walking the beach admiring the rocks in complete silence. Almost too quiet. I had to make myself walk the dark tunnels. I am far too used to a crowd at the fort.

Only car in the parking lot

 I thought it would be too cold for painting, but settled down atop the fort and painted away with my favorite chai tea to give it a try. I sat there a while, painting and admiring the Olympic mountains.

Basic down, just need to add the details.

Chowder on a dock in La Conner, browsing my favorite jewelry store, reading poetry and listening to music with the windows down. It was a much needed day. 

December

9 days home. Nine sets of people visited - groups, individuals and families. I thought I was doing just great as far as how short a time six weeks is. Then I laid out my schedule for the month of December...

Between holiday baking, catching up with friends, two Christmas concerts, family coming into town, other family coming into town, traveling to Canada, attending a ball and the holidays in general, it's pretty crazy!

Late Thankfulness

This Thanksgiving was like no other. Family issues kinda distracted from the gratitude part of the holiday. I felt like between being exhausted and trying to figure out the family again, I forgot to think an awful lot about gratitude. 

A small list of the things I'm thankful for:

This year, I'm thankful for the trials, they've made me stronger, made me run to the Lord and build my relationship with him. While it has been hard with many tears and anger, it has been so very sweet and for that I am thankful. 

I'm thankful for the close bond of siblings. It has been refreshing to talk with them daily while away through text and Skype. And now at home, catching up even more. I'm thankful for my Little Fuji Family and how special my time with them is. For how Lisa has become such a wonderful friend and sister. 

I'm thankful for friends who stick with you through thick and thin. For the Facetime calls and late night texts. For the dumb jokes that make me choke with laughter. 

I'm thankful for paints and colors. Tastebuds. Clean, delicious water. The ability to take pictures. Smiles and kindness. I'm thankful for this life and the beautiful mess that it is. 

48 Hours

I've been home for around 48 hours. Busy hours.

Thanksgiving morning:
4am wake up. Dressed and on the road by 4:30. Lisa woke the girls up and we all went down to the airport. Dropped off by bag. Hugged Elsa and told her I loved her. Kissed Elena's soft chubby cheeks. Hugged Samuel and Lisa. Lisa keeps telling me how much she's going to miss me. It's only six weeks.

Breezed through security. Stood in line for coffee for more time than I spent at security. Watched the sunrise from the airport windows. Boarded the plane and slept or watched movies. Finally landed. Between the ten minutes to deice the place in Nashville and waiting for other planes to get to our gate, I was going antsy. I wanted to be home. To see the family I hadn't seen for three months.

Back of the plane, so within the last 20 people to get off the plane. Slowest set of three opening doors one after another while leaving the secure part of the airport. I could see Dad and the doors took like 4 seconds each to open. Long traffic ridden drive home, but it was good to catch up with Dad.

The chaos of entering a house with seven adults of teenagers compared to my other home, quiet with just two adults and two babies. There were literally times where I couldn't keep up with the conversations because it was bouncing around so much. The process of finishing dinner, taking a family picture and catching up with people was fun. Dishes by hand until the kitchen was clean. Succeeded in counting calories during Thanksgiving dinner. Skype call with my Little Fuji Family. This was followed by three really dumb movies before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

Welcome allergies. Cats, dogs, mold... Puffy, itchy eyes, runny nose, trouble breathing. It's going to be a hard transition in that sense. But I'll get used to it.

Friday was minor shopping for necessities that I didn't bring back from Tennessee, watching ridiculously dumb movies, catching up with the Rothenbergers and some gift shopping online....

The past 48 ish hours have been way busier than a couple weeks in Tennessee, but it's a good busy.

A First

Today, after sending out an email yesterday in regards to an open house I'm helping with, I was asked to make a flier to help advertise. At first I was a little frustrated. I have a full time job, plus packing to leave and then flying in right before the holiday. It felt impossible to be able to create this product before I left.

I have never made a poster or flier before, so this was completely new to me. After looking up some of other fliers for the same program, I had a good idea of what NOT to do. After talking with my sister and then getting completely frustrated over my old version of Word, I borrowed Lisa's computer and used publisher for the first time. It was a great learning experience and I'm eager to work again on that software, but perhaps on my own computer, or at least with a wireless mouse...

Anyway, here's my first ever flier. I'm thrilled that I got it done today, that four of MY pictures are on there and that it's my first one ever. I think it turned out pretty well, although it certainly took me long  enough to make.

Also, cozy fires, cello music and ice cream help the work go by faster.

P.s. If you want to learn more about CAP and what we do... We're having an open house. ;-) *shameless advertising attempt*

Happy Sunday

Singing "Count Your Blessings" at Church this morning made my day. White chocolate mocha. Another photo shoot with Elena (Lisa and I got seriously sidetracked at TJMaxx on Friday, so new clothes for the girls). House cleaning and watched Tangled (the show). Catching up with two different sisters. Gingerbread decorating.

Fall Saturday

Morning conversations over breakfast. Grocery list making on the floor with the girls. Shopping trip the weekend before Thanksgiving. Skype calls to family. Photo shoot in new outfits. Baby sleeping in the carrier. Long conversations while baking. Gingerbread smells. Apricot jam and brie cheese. Wind and rain and a 2 second power loss. Chicken Pot Pie. An old movie. Peach tea. More floor time playing with the girls. Early bedtimes. It is these days. These happy days- show me how much of my heart is here. 

Childlike Excitement

One week. In exactly one week, I will be home. Hugging my family. Hugging Ian, who I haven't seen in nearly half a year. I feel like a child this year in anticipation for the holiday season, even though there are parts I'm dreading. I can't wait to make paper snowflakes, listen to Christmas music and wear fuzzy socks. I can't wait for late nights with siblings, seeing friends and making delicious food. 

I'm so excited that I started sorting through the things I have here. The clothes that are necessary to take home, the clothes that I'm tired of. The ones from the summer days that need to be replaced for winter days... I set aside art work that I've completed and want to show the family, books I've finished, my 2017 journal, which will soon be replaced with my 2018 journal. I have to set aside my camera and paints, because both of those are needed for my month at home. 

But not all my things come home. No, this room here in Tennessee will be tidy and relatively bare until I return in January for another couple months. 

An Impulse Buy

Miss Lucielle's is one of the best shopping places. The little booths are filled with fun antiques, handmade things and everything in between. I always have fun looking around there. Last weekend, I perused the isles in search for not a whole lot, enjoying the Christmas music playing and the spicy smell of cinnamon from a couple of the different booths. Also, one of the booths had fun hats. I love hats...

After finding two books, Rumpelstiltskin (for those of you who don't know, I love fairy tales) and a book on things to do. I headed out. Even though it was just after four, the sun was pretty much all the way set. I headed back into down and went to Dress Barn. Originally, I had planned to take a look at the sale rack and call it good, but I got seriously sidetracked when I saw a floor length floral skirt. It was beautiful.

In early January, my siblings and I have a "formal" event to go to and I stressed about finding a dress last year, so when I saw this skirt, I thought it was perfect! I tried it, the size too big and the size smaller. Anyway, a lot of debating with myself and asking opinions from other people, I decided to buy the skirt (online to get the right size) and I'll show Ev and Jane to get an official opinion. I'm super excited to see if it's as pretty as I remember it being!

I'll post pictures when I get it! So look for another blog post!

Little Victory

Yesterday, I resisted ALL the excuses I could think of and worked out. Yesterday, I jogged my first ever half mile. I'm half way to my goal. I'm pretty excited! 

Each day I'm pushing myself closer to my goals. I guess those motivational videos I watch while jogging are actually motivational after all! 

Daylight Savings

Fall Daylight Savings. When you stay up too late and still wake up refreshed. When you're hungry in Church. When the day seems to last forever. When you worry because you don't know which electronics have automatically switched. When the sun sets right after nap time's over. 

Living Life

The last week or so I found myself counting down days until I go home, days before the weekend and even hours before Lisa got home. This time out in Tennessee has been challenging, it's been super hard emotionally and harder with the girls than I anticipated.

Don't get me wrong, there have been tons of amazing parts and sweet moments with the nieces that none of their other aunts get with them.  I know I am right where I'm supposed to be right now. Anyway, I don't want to think about my future and not live the life I have now. I want to cherish each little moment, each battle over naps or cleaning up and each snuggle and adventure.

So live this moment to its fullest. Take time to appreciate the wonderful times and time to reflect and learn from the challenging ones.

Progress Check: 2016-2017

Tonight, I looked through my paintings and artwork as I got all the pictures into one folder... I've been painting for a little over a year now and it's super cool to see the difference in my work during that time. I can't wait to get home and look through the rest of my stored art work that I don't have pictures of... 

The top picture was done before I actually had watercolor paints. It was done with two different sets of watercolor pencils. The bottom picture was done this within the last ten days. I think it's fascinating how my style is starting to form and I'm getting my own distinct look in my paintings.

A Spam Email Story

Tonight, I looked through my spam folder on my email to make sure I didn't miss any important emails. 200+ emails have piled up since the last time I've cleared it out. As I glance down the list of emails, I start grinning... As your read, keep in mind that anything written in Italics  is actually the subject line or sender from my spam folder emails...

According to my email's spam folder, I am single looking senior singles (dating sites), living in a 55+ assisted living home trying to find a DNA lab for immigration. Must have something to do with the females from Russia sending "smileys" (creepy). I guess I need to research cell phone plans for seniors.  I obviously don't have a job because Target keeps sending me job opportunities but between that and needing cash for the holidays (payment plan loans), I must need to find a way to consolidate debt. I need to get free from drugs: everything will turn out ok (probably the reason for the debt). And perhaps that's why the best life insurance rates in your state email was sitting there... Oh, but don't worry, I have free toilet paper coupons.... 

Recharge

Old Navy Items returned. Window shopping complete. My style in progress. Chocolate acquired. What next? Coffee.

I rarely drink coffee. When I do, it's sweet coffee. I have yet to appreciate black coffee or the daily cup that so many people enjoy. Getsome Coffee here in Tennessee is a comfortable place, classical music playing not too loudly, cozy lighting, beautiful smells. That in combination with relatively inexpensive coffee and different flavored coffees make it a true treat. Black Forest mocha, dark, chocolaty with a hint of raspberry and topped with whipped cream.

Today, I appreciated Getsome's lack of free internet. It made for no distractions and for a truly enjoyable hour writing a letter I've been meaning to write for a few weeks now. After writing until my hand hurt (it's a long letter), I indulged in the first little bit of Wives and Daughter....

I got home just as the rest of my Little Fuji Family headed out to door to do some errands. That's when the coffee kicked in. Within 17 minutes, I had done all the dishes (a day's worth), cleaned the counters and stove and tidied the living room. Energy much?

Anyway, ending the day with pulling together all the pictures I've ever taken (that are edited) of Elsa and Elena (so 4 years worth) so I can give the originals to Samuel and Lisa. Today was a true recharge and I feel ready for another week.

A Beautiful Book

Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell is hands down, my favorite book. There is something endearing about the heroine and some of the supporting characters. There are several...well...cringe worthy characters as well.

If you haven't read Wives and Daughter, I most definitely recommend it... With a disclaimer, however: it is an unfinished book, the author died before it was finished. I also recommend the BBC movie as well.

 I've wanted an old copy of the book for seven or eight years, but finding a reasonably priced and in decent shape book was near impossible. After watching the movie with Lisa last month, I resumed my search. There are quite a few versions that came in volumes, so finding matching ones was nearly impossible. With a decent amount of searching, I found this version on Etsy that was perfect.

This pocket sized version is perfect. It's a beautiful blue color and fine print inside. For how long the story is, it's amazing it was printed in so compact a book! 

This book was mailed from the UK, so I had no idea if I would actually get it. I am beyond thrilled with it and can't wait to spend my evenings drinking vanilla chai and reading this beautiful story again.

Grace vs. the Girls

I think today may have been the hardest day since I've been here. I tend to be a busy person, so when the highlight/outting for the day is going for a super slow walk around the block, I get a little antsy.

Elsa and I had a rough day. She didn't do a great job of listening and would run away from me while talking. She also fell from the bar stool while Elena was in the front pack napping and hit her head and her chin (double whammy, back of the head and chin...). She was crying and panicking over that and had to use the bathroom at the same time. I was trying to keep Elena and Elsa to both calm down. It was a bit of an adventure... Elena's nap was cut short and Elsa was crying... I don't know how moms do it.

Needless to say, nap time was early and lasted a long time. It was a good break where I was able to kinda recharge and try and refocus my attention and goals as far as working with the girls. I think I might need to leave all electronics upstairs and read (both my books and Elsa's books) and play more actively with Elsa. It'll be good to spend less time on social media and reading has far more benefits! The after nap time was WWWAAAAYYY better.

This evening was quiet, Lisa and I talked a lot, I got some work done, including getting a passport interview set up... It was relaxing. To finish up the day, I painted and listened to music.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

The Church I go to here in Tennessee doesn't use instruments with their worship. At first it made me self-conscious of my voice, but there is a certain sweetness to actually hearing the voices of a congregation and not just of the "worship team" singing praises to God. I knew, but now it's sinking in even more that is doesn't matter what you sounds like, it is about God and worshiping him. Today, Jesus Loves Me was one of the songs we sang and to see Elsa belting out two out of three verses word for word made my heart happy. 

This song was a wonderful reminder of how loved I am. No. Matter. What. 

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from his reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

Mistakes make for Learning

I have a tendency to paint the foreground before the background and always regret it. This time, I did the same thing. I was over half way done with the trees when I realized I could no longer do an in depth background like I had planned.

I am thrilled with all the things I'm learning about painting. This week, I learned that gently penciling in my design helps me actually finish a painting. I'm learning to blend colors to get more muted tones or more realistic shades. That the more I practice the better I'll become. I'm learning to not get discouraged by all the amazing art I see on social media.

Most of all, I'm learning that it is good to embrace my style. To just relax and paint and not worry about how it's going to turn out, or what kind of mistakes I'll make. Which is hard for me to do. I may or may not be a bit of a perfectionist.

Sunset Attempt

So last night, my much needed break was in the form of a part of a Costco muffin (which was a total throw back to childhood), paints and Pandora (Milk Carton Kids) through my Beats. A pretty darn perfect evening.

I'm still stuck on sunsets. I feel like, in an attempt to study sunset, I need to go watch a bunch of them. I love how there is a different sunset every night and even in different states or places they look totally different.

This sunset was what I considered to be one of my better sunsets... I think it has more tones and shades in it. It looks a little whimsically to me, which I like. I got the paper wet before I started adding color, which helped blend the colors together in a less blocky way. 

It was sitting in my room when Elsa saw it today and said "Oh, you painted fire!". It was a bit hilarious, because I see this one as one of my less fiery sunsets.  

Grace and Backgrounds

A couple weeks ago, Elisabeth and I were texting and for some reason, for the past few months we've been discussing slightly odd topics. Let's say, thought provoking topics. What do you want to be like when you are old? That was one question that we discussed at like 2am while lying on her couch eating way more white cheddar popcorn than we should have. 

The next questions I asked because I spend WAY too much time on Pinterest. I came across the My Intent Project. In trying to pick a word that would embody everything I want to be (Christlike not included, because we're all striving for that one already), we threw around a lot of different different words: empathy, patient, kind, confident, strong. I narrowed it down to two words, kindness and forgiveness

Thinking about these two words, we discussed them further and decided that an a weird sort of way, the word grace covers both words. I think it's kinda hilarious that my name is such an inspiration... To me. It's a constant reminder and it's sweet. 

Anyway, I kinda accidentally did this background, and of course can't replicate it no matter how hard I try. It makes a great background for one of my favorite sayings. 

Grumpy, Cranky and Naughty

 I woke up tired, body hurting and no energy. Elena woke up just before eight and so I brought her to my bed and she just lay there smiling at me. How could I be grumpy? She cooed, giggled and wiggled on the bed until it was time to get up.

We made the 20-ish minute drive into town to pick up some things, but mostly chocolate and Ibuprofen. Elena slept the entire way there and Elsa kept up a good string of conversation, mostly talking about "your friend, the other Gracie". Elsa loves wandering around stores and what store is better then Target to do that in?

Elsa decided to be a *bit* of a stinker once we got back. She wasn't excited about picking up her toys and ended up fake crying, pouting and running away when I called her. It happened multiple times over multiple things all morning. I think I handled it well, I was firm, got down to her level and made her look me in the eye as I corrected her. Every time she eventually apologized and gave me a hug. I've been expecting this, I've been here for a month, so a little push back was bound to happen soon.

I got to catch up with my oldest sister today, which was awesome. She's so busy that I rarely get to see her on Skype, so it was nice to have a one on one conversation with her. And to see her face, once we got the Facebook video call to work!

I guess I was truly exhausted because I spent the nap reading and watching dumb home decorating videos on Youtube. Elena decided not to take a full length nap and was consequently quite cranky until she fell asleep again about an hour later on the floor in the bonus room upstairs. I ended up napping at the same time on the couch... So that was my day. It was still a good day, even with the little hiccups of attitudes from all three of us.

Monday Morning

Pajamas and late morning wake ups. The smell of sausage cooking as I walked downstairs and the smiles and cheerful greetings of the nieces. The sister to sister (in-law) conversations and drool covered baby kisses. Apple fritters with crispy edges and delicious cinnamon-y flavor with ice cold milk. The little family lingering over coffee and fritters, enjoying the last few moments of being together before the work week begins and he leaves to return to a different state. It's mornings like these that make me appreciate family and it's moments like these I wish I could capture as pictures.

A Good Day

I woke up to rain. Beautiful, thick, gloomy rain. It made me so unreasonably happy. It felt normal, looked lovely and reminded me of home. 

Today was a combination of lovely and really challenging. After Church, we went out for Indian food. The bold flavors and textures make such a unique cuisine and make me jealous because I don't know how to cook Indian food.... Yet... 

Challenging came next. A seemingly hopeless situation from far away. I know there is nothing I can really do, but it's sad when you lose respect for someone who you should always respect. I still don't know what to do in that situation, so for now... I'll pray. 

After that, I sat down to start a traffic safety course. I really don't want to talk about WHY I have to take this course. Ahem, speeding ticket while going 26 MPH... 'nough said.... I had planned to take it today because I had the time off from watching the girls and could focus 100% of my mind to this 4+ hour course. The dumb course had expired and the office was closed for the day. 

Anyway, these "hard" things happened right before a lovely Facebook video chat with Ian, Jane, Mitchell and Kara. And brownies. Plus happy babies. And episodes of Chuck. And a game of Wizard that I got absolutely demolished at... 

I'm learning that even when things make me angry, that stewing in that anger or ruining a day by being mad won't solve anything, but will take away my ability to see the good things that happen. I'm learning (and have a feeling I'll be learning for a while), when I worry, even for a second or two, I should change that worry into prayer. And that's why today was a good day. 

 

Saturday Deals

I almost named this post Saturdeals, but that was just toooooooooo bad. So, what can I say, except you're welcome...

Slept in. Woke up refreshed. Ate leftover cheesecake and yogurt for breakfast, because why not. Also, Chris' Outrageous Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory is hands down the best over-the-top cheesecake ever.

The weather is one of my favorites, overcast, slightly warm with a breeze. There's a storm rolling in, so I'm excited. Hopefully it means thunder. Oh, and ridiculous amounts of rain. Northwest girl here, am I right? Anyway, I spent the afternoon running errands and leisurely walking through the mall. I rarely do the mall, if I do, it's always super fast. This time, I had several things I was looking for and willing to pay (kinda) for.

Top of the list? Plaid shirts. Because last season I tried a traditional buffalo plaid on and then decided not to buy it. I regretted it literally all year. Plus, they were 40% off, so that's a pretty decent deal in my books.

I got a beautiful green shirt for $2.25 at a thrift store here. It's going to be a sweet addition to my wardrobe. I have been so into the color green, that I usually just skip that color while shopping, otherwise I will buy EVERYTHING that color.

It was a nice, relaxing afternoon, a change of pace from the usual days around here and nice to get some of the things off my list that have been on there for ages. The day ended with delicious salmon, card games with the Little Fuji Family and a couple episodes of Chuck.

Art Instagram

A while ago, I started Barely Artistic Grace on Instagram. I'll share a post or a story whenever I update my blog. So go follow me there! 

Thoughts and Feelings

I've been in Tennessee for twenty-seven days and I thought by now, the homesickness would have faded. I'm in a good routine here with the girls now and while I know I'm doing good work and a lot of work, I feel like I'm doing the same thing with no variance. Routine, right? Well, I'm not doing enough to inspire or push myself like I do in Washington.

That with the addition of feeling very lonely is not exactly my favorite combination. I feel out of touch with people, like there are only so many topics you can cover through text and only so few real emotions and social cues you can pick up on in texts. Am I right? Or is that just another weird me thing.

This lack of socializing has also thrown me back into some of my anxieties and insecurities in that area. Ones that I have to face with prayer. Prayer that my brain doesn't over analyze things or trick me into believing something that isn't true.

Painting with a Toddler

Today I was brave. I decided to brave the mess of paint and let Elsa paint with my watercolors. I lined the part of the counter that she was working at with plastic wrap and taped it down in one spot to hold it in place. She wanted blue, purple and red. With a paper plate palate, I got her set up.  

It was so fun to see how into it she got. She was serious and had fun. She was excited to show Lisa when she got home for lunch and said that one of her three paintings was for her and the others were for Samuel. 

For an hour of fun, there was hardly any cleaning up to do. And this water color paint comes off of skin relatively easily, which is a good thing. :-) Unlike glitter... 

Her works of art. The middle is by far my favorite and her first one, the green one was her last one and she says it's a princess. 

Buggy News

I couldn't help but laugh. The reason the car broke down was hilarious. Basically, a gigantic bug flew in the exhaust intake, it was so big that it blocked the intake. This apparently made the battery short out, or something like that... I don't know if I repeated that all correctly, that's what Lisa told me after talking to Samuel today. So basically I didn't have a car for the weekend, waited 5+ hours for a tow truck and spent the majority of my day trying to get home. Because of a bug...

Speaking of bugs. There was (yes, was) this horrible fly that would get in your face, land on you a second after your brushed it away or land on your food and wouldn't be shooed away. On my second attempt with a magazine, I killed the fly dead. Elsa seemed a little concerned, but no more fly. \

Oh, and the mosquitoes here are huge and nasty.

That's all for Bug News!

A Bit of Fall

Fall colors. Vibrant and natural. Leaves are just starting to fall here and the trees are barely starting to change colors, but as the temperature cools off to the low eighties instead of low nineties, it feels like fall is well on the way. This is my first attempt at an autumn tree...

Another Type of Art: Photography

Collecting memories has always been important to me. Memories of the good times and of rough times. Of adventures, work, home and life in general. This is where photography kinda came in.

To me, it helps the homesickness fade, it puts me in perspective that times will pass, it reminds me of the greatest of adventures or the smallest memories. It gives me something to share with people.

I worked hard on my photography skills, learning a little (and still learning) about lighting, about exposure and about the camera I use. It's old, so getting decent pictures is sometimes a trick, but I heard a quote once that basically said do the best you can with what you have. I'm embracing that. 

I started out with taking pictures of food for Gracie's Tasties. Then baby pictures while I was/am as a nanny in Tennessee so family and friends can see my nieces. From there it's branched to summer camps, day trips, road trips, catering jobs and times with families and friends. Now, I run Arlington Composite Squadron's CAP Facebook page.

I've always been concerned that I was "stealing" my older sister's hobby because she is into photography, but as I've developed my skills, I figured out we have totally different style and are rarely in the same place at the same time. Plus, she is way more experienced so it isn't a problem.

Pictures are part of me. Now, I almost always have my camera near me. So I continue to take pictures, another form of art.

The Broken Car

Today did not go as expected. Lisa and the girls left for out of town this morning and I was super excited for the weekend off- my first weekend in a month. I had plans, plans to see nature, tour an old battlefield, to get ingredients to cook with and do some shopping I needed to do....

By 11:45, I had already driven a good 45 minutes out into the middle of nowhere. Saw Fort Donelson and now, as I drove down the National Park road, the car decided to stop running properly. Within three minutes a gentleman pulled over to make sure I was safe, checked my oil and made sure I had cell reception. There was nothing else he could do. About ten minutes later, he came back. Yes, guys, came back. He told me there was a museum about a mile away. I got there with hazards on and coasting into a spot. Barely. 

From there, I called people, Dad, a mechanic friend, Samuel and Lisa. I went Back and forth with Samuel trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. I was on the landline and running back and forth between the car and the phone.

Samuel arranged for a tow truck to come get me. While I waited, I went and toured The Homeplace, an 1850s historic farm. It was truly like traveling back in time. Once I finished touring the farm, I returned to the gift shop where I bought gift shop snacks (cause that's all I could do) and sat down by the door to wait. And waited. And waited. Three hours passed. The lady in charge kindly gave me the internet password, which she wasn't supposed to do. It was awesome to get to text Samuel about stuff and get updates on where the tow truck was.  

The tow truck got there at 5:30, half hour after the museum was closed. Two ladies stuck around until the driver got there and then she made sure that I was okay before leaving. Wallace, the tow truck driver had the thickest southern/hick accent I have ever heard. Between the windows being down, the diesel truck and his accent, it made for interesting conversations on the hour long drive to the base. 

By 7pm, We had reached the gate to get on base. He pulled to the side so we could get passes, but he had a pistol on his belt. Long story short, civilians aren't allowed to bring weapons on base. Basically, his company called another company to get another tow truck out to my location. So Wallace dropped the car and left. Half and hour later, the next tow truck got there. Isaac got right on loading the Escape and I went in for a pass.

The hassle of getting a pass was crazy. Since I didn't have the insurance card, the options were to email it (which I don't get with no wifi) or have the company fax it over. Another long story, exhausted me had to go ask the driver to show the MP the insurance card that Samuel texted him. By the time that came around, the MP gave me a passenger pass and let us on. 

Dropped the car off and called a cab. Another minor bucket list item checked off. Rode in a taxi. By 8:30 I was home. 8 hours of waiting for people or driving, I was finally home. 

Was I angry about how the day had messed with my plans? No, not really. I was shockingly calm although a little annoyed and disappointed, but I didn't let it affect my day. I was surprised by how kind people out here are. I had more than five or six people check in with me. Samuel mentioned it being "the worst day ever", but it wasn't, I was able to enjoy the little things, embrace the problem, pray and be thankful for kind people. 

Even though the day was hard and kept getting worse, my attitude was positive and to me, that another little victory. Oh, and I socialized with so many strangers today...An introvert nightmare. Anyway, congrats if you made it to the end and so sorry this post is so long! 

A New Medium

Just a couple weeks ago, I bought my first acrylic paint. A dark blue. A name brand. I've never really used acrylic paint before, so today when I tried it out, it was weird feeling. I kept wanting to go back to my water, to thin it out, to make the color fade. Acrylics (from my one time using them) seem to have a bolder color. Pure color. There is less fade like watercolors and without mixing it with other colors, it stays the same tone.

I had fun experimenting with it today. I think picking up a tube of white will help me learn how acrylics work a little better. Then I sat marveling at how cool my own finger was. The detail is crazy. And to think, no one has the same fingerprint as me...

Wednesday

Today, I woke up feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and homesick. On top of that, Elena screamed this morning for twenty-ish minutes. I couldn't figure out why. She was fed, wasn't tired and I thought she had a clean diaper. Turns out she didn't. Even after changing her, she was still crying and wouldn't be consoled until I took off her pajamas and let her play in just her diaper, which she loves. She wore herself out, because she slept pretty soundly during the first hour of her nap, so it was nice to get in a break.

Elsa was a sweetheart today, so instead of an early nap, she and I watched Sofia the First and ate cheddar popcorn and she had M&Ms. Then she took a nap.

During the evening, Lisa and I had a couple good talks before she talked with Samuel and I got to look into some local things to see. I've always wanted to see fall from a different state, so I'm going to find a hike, waterfall or something else nature-y to fix my autumn bug. Yeah, I've been here for 4 falls now, but I've never actually ventured out that much. Since I have a car this time, I thought I'd make good use of it!

Anyway, counting my blessings, praying and finding encouragement in the little things. Every day- even the hard ones- have good moments and reasons to praise God!

Blue

Blue. The ocean. The Sky. Forget-Me-Nots. Eyes. Sapphires and precious stones. Distant mountains. The night's sky and galaxies. Steller's jays and other birds. Blueberries.

While watching painting tutorials, I was surprised when they used blue in the foliage in trees. Even though I have yet to try painting my trees that way, I noticed on the long drive back from Michigan, that there was indeed blue among the array of colors in the fall trees. I'm not saying obvious blue, I'm talking about the undertones of blue.

Lately I've been loving the color blue. The five different shades of blue that I own are each so different and with different amounts of water or paint, the colors vary endlessly to different tones. To me, blue has depth and character.